NFL Picks for week 12
I'd just like to wish everyone (it should be noted that my entire readership is about one person, give or take two) a Happy Thanksgiving. This is a holiday that we should remember isn't about eating, or football. It's about giving thanks for what we have.

Cooincidentally, what we have is lots of food and football. Hmm.

Thursday:
-GreenBay @ Detroit: Every year, Detroit gets a team to come to play against them in the motor city. This year, the Lions are going to lose (again). Packers

-Miami @ Dallas: Every year, Dallas gets a team to come and play them in a city made famous by a TV soap opera and some turd named J.R. Every year, the Cowboys actually put up a good game. This year is their year again. Cowboys

Sunday
-Arizona @ Chicago: Seriously. Somebody in the NFL office needs to recognize that these are two teams which should not play each other. I'm pulling for a 3-3 tie. Bears

-Atlanta @ Houston: It's the sign of a bad general manager when your entire team is nothing more than a supporting cast for one other player. Maybe next year they should cut Moulds and find somebody who can play defense. Texans

-Buffalo @ NY Giants: See above comment. Giants

-Minnesota @ St. Louis: As a St. Louisian, it does greatly displease me to make the following pick, but the Rams have this nasty habit of playing to the quality of their opponent. And Marc Bulger is looking a lot like Kurt Warner right now. Vikings

-New England @ Indianapolis: This game is really tough to call, but I liked the Colts' moxie last week, even with Harrison hurt. So I'm leaning for them again. Colts

-Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh: The Steelers won the AFC North last year, and this year are in the basement. The fantastically improved Bengals will take this game. Bengals

-Philadelphia @ Carolina: This is another tough game to call - the Eagles have answered Rush Limbaugh with an outstanding resurgence, even though Donovan McNabb really isn't playing all that well. Maybe it's Andy Reid after all? Still, I lean towards the Silver, Black, and Blue. Panthers

-San Francisco @ Baltimore: The Bengals are tied for Baltimore with best record in the AFC North right now, and actually hold the edge in terms of tiebreakers. Bad news for Bengals fans, though: The Bengals will win, but the Ravens will stay even with them this week, because the 49ers aren't as good as they are (what?!?!?). Ravens

-New Orleans @ Washington: Bruce Smith, who tied the NFL record for career sacks last week, needs to quit bitching about his playing time. He's FORTY YEARS OLD. Get over yourself, Mr. Moneybags. Redskins

-Cleveland @ Seattle: Cleveland is playing well lately, for some strange reason, and the Seahawks gave up a 17-point lead against the freaking Ravens last week. Something's fishy in Denmark, but I think the world will be righted on Sunday. Seahawks

-Denver @ Oakland: Is it true? Is Jake Plummer really the Broncos' savior? Yes. Broncos

-Kansas City @ San Diego: Doug Flutie? Drew Brees? Does it matter? Chiefs

-Tampa Bay @ Jacksonville: Simeon Rice will take out Byron Leftwich's heart and eat it in front of 60,000 rabit Jaguars fans. Buccaneers

Monday
-Tennessee @ NY Jets: Even Chad Pennington cannot save this season. That comment I made about the Falcons, and referenced for the Bills? Same applies here. Testaverde should not be asked, as old as he is, to carry a team the way they did. It's just not right. Titans

So there we go. Enjoy your Turducken, folks.

Somethin' ain't right with that boy...
From the Elizabethton Star, in Tennessee:

Local man arrested during Ku Klux Klan initiation
by Julie Fann
WASHINGTON COUNTY -- An Elizabethton man was arrested and charged Saturday night following a shooting that occurred during what self-described members of the Ku Klux Klan said was the initiation of a new member, according to the Washington County Sheriff's Department.
Gregory Allen Freeman, age 45, of 805 Cambridge Ave., Elizabethton, was charged with aggravated assault and felony reckless endangerment in the incident, which occurred Saturday at approximately 8 p.m. in a wooded area near 363 Bill West Rd., a press release from the WCSD states.
According to Sheriff Ed Graybeal, "During the initiation process, several rounds were fired in the air, one of which accidentally struck a participant, Jeffery S. Murr, age 24, of 458 1/2 Carolina Ave., Erwin."
WCSD Lt. Keith Sexton, one of four investigators who responded to the scene, said all eight individuals present, including the victim, told police the gathering was a KKK initiation.
"They weren't trying to hide it or anything. We didn't find any hoods or anything like that when we got there. We did find a blindfold at the scene, but that was all," said Sexton.
According to Sexton, the youngest participant in the initiation was fourteen years old.
Sexton said Murr was shot probably due to a lack of lighting in the wooded area.
"It was in the woods and it was totally dark with no lights, and I guess the guy just got in the way (of the shot)," he said. "After the shooting occurred, one of them went to the house across the street and called 911."
Murr was transported to the Johnson City Medical Center Hospital where he was listed in critical condition Sunday evening.
Freeman is being held in the Washington County Detention Center on a $7,500 bond and is scheduled to appear in Johnson City Sessions Court today at 1:30 p.m.
An investigation into the incident continues, and charges are pending, according to the WCSD.

I read elsewhere, in another story about the incident, that the victim was tied to a tree, and was being shot by a paintball gun while Freeman was shooting a gun straight into the air for sound effects. The bullet in question went straight up and straight down, entering the top of the victim's skull and exiting right behind his spinal cord.

You know, it's funny - these are people who believe that nonwhites are genetically inferior to white people, and yet these guys shoot guns straight into the air without a a thought in the world of where the bullet wil come down.

Maybe buy some blanks next time, buckos.

Doctor, I have a dork injury
There are certain types of injuries that only kids regarded as "dorks" can get. Certain ailments that only strike those of us who spend more time on the internet than off it.

Take, for example, eyestrain, and chronically dry eyes. Both are the result of staring at a computer monitor all the time (although the advent of higher refresh rates has helped alleviate eyestrain to some degree).

And in my case, a trigger blister caused by playing too much "Laser Tag." I hardly believe that a real gun would cause such damage to my hand as the huge hole I now sport that came from that stinking phaser - and if you've been injured by a phaser, it's safe to say that you're a dork.

On to the NFL Picks!
-Carolina at Dallas: In a game between two teams who want it, the question is "who wants it more?" I think it's the Panthers

-Detroit at Minnesota: I don't even know why I'm bothering to pick this game. Even the Vikings can't blow this one. Besides, when was the last time the Lions won on the road? Vikings

-Indianapolis at Buffalo: Indianapolis won last week, despite my assurances that they would lose. I can only attribute that to a team fire that Tony Dungy has finally managed to stoke. Shame about the Bills, really: Dick LeBeau has been mentioned as a possible new head coach. Colts

-Jacksonville at N.Y. Jets: In a game pitting two Marshall quarterbacks (which I don't believe has ever happened), we see one bad team take on another team that was bad for a long time. But they aren't any more. Jets

-New England at Houston: People can tout the Houston defense all they want, but this comes down to "who is the more complete team?" Patriots

-New Orleans at Philadelphia: The Saints are such a streaky team, I really can't pick them any week, just because the chances of being wrong are so dadgummed high. Eagles

-Pittsburgh at Cleveland: I believe that these teams are equally bad, which means that the game will come down to whichever team has the better coach. Pittsburgh

-Seattle at Baltimore: Anthony Wright. Seahawks

-San Francisco at Green Bay: The 49ers under Erickson are very inconsistent from one quarter to the next, and I don't really think they're suited for the type of blue-collar ball that the Packers play. Plus, it's Lambeau, which really is a great home field. Packers

-Chicago at Denver: In my official Blowout of the week pick, I have to say that Chicago doesn't stand a chance. Denver, dare I say it, will put up far more points than the Rams did last week. Broncos

-St. Louis at Arizona: Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Blowout of the Week's cousin, Senseless Beating of the Week. Senseless Beating, meet the Cardinals. Rams

-Cincinnati at San Diego: The last time the Bengals won any game on the West Coast was 1988. Can they do it again? Bengals

-Oakland at Kansas City: Just lose to the Bengals? Are you suddenly being called overrated? Does your head coach cry all the time? Play the Raiders! Chiefs

-Tennessee at Atlanta: In a battle featuring the most complete team in the AFC against the team with the most dreams smashed to bits, this should be a complete snoozefest for anyone who doesn't live under a rock. Titans

-Washington at Miami: I don't know why, but I still think that Spurrier's charges have the ability to surprise some teams who take them too lightly. It all comes down to the Redskins D-Line. Have they watched enough tape to know that the Dolphins run in 70% of 1st-and-10 situations? I bet they have. Redskins

-N.Y. Giants at Tampa Bay Just like the Redskins can surprise people, so can the Bucs. Add that to the fact that this is likely to be another coaches' duel, and you can pretty easily guess the winner in this contest. Buccaneers

He wasn't a has-been yet
You know, when you die, you expect a certain amount of notice to be paid to you and your life; at least, I do. I don't expect an entire nation to lay down and weep upon hearing news of my passing, but I would certainly like the people that know me and presumably care for me to at least take notice of it.

Jonathan Brandis, occasionally a movie star, more often than not just a blip in our collective subconscious (come on, we all watched SeaQuest DSV), passed away on the 12th of November, an apparent suicide victim.

But here's the thing: nobody noticed. Nobody. And nobody has said anything publicly, either.

The story finally hit the national news today, the 21st of November, 9 days after the fact. Now, myself, I'm not a big Brandis fan. I thought Neverending Story 2 was a waste of time, and I'm glad I only sat through about 4 minutes of it. Same with Ladybugs. But Jesus, people...he was a teen heart-throb! Chicks dug him! He was on SeaQuest! SEAQUEST!

People notice when David Caruso belches in the general direction of anyone on the NYPD: Blue cast. But when a teen actor who seemed to be getting his career back on track passes away, not a chirp. Funny, that. And not particularly fair.

The Hills are alive with the sound of another musical...
Today marks the 35th Anniversary of the Heidi Game, a very close Jets-Raiders contest which was pre-empted by NBC to show the movie Heidi. Normally, cutting out only the lat 1:05 of the game wouldn't mean that much, but the Raiders managed to score 14 points in that 65 seconds: A Daryle Lamonica pass to Charlie Smith, followed by a muffed kickoff return picked up and run in by Preston Ridlehuber. Those points turned the game from a 32-29 Jets lead to a 43-32 Raiders victory, and forever changed the face of sports broadcast policy.

The game overran its time slot, and NBC had sold the 7-9 advertising slot to Timex for their made-for-TV pigtailed wench, or whatever the Hell she was supposed to be. Their policy at the time didn't allow for "sliding" shows to accommodate late-running sports contests, so the network's supervisor of broadcast operation control switched over.

Today, networks have figured out that if games run long, they can charge more for the advertising - so we have more TV time outs. Great.

Cranium and this week's picks
I just want to make it clear that any time a board game involves both Julia Child and making a sleeping back out of clay, it really doesn't deserve to exist.

Now that that's out of the way, here's my picks this week:

-Arizona at Cleveland: All of the Arizona players know that they're playing for Dave McGinnis's job, and unlike the people in Washington doing the same thing, they LIKE their head coach. Cardinals

-Atlanta at New Orleans: While Jim Haslett's teams usually fall apart during the later part of the season, rather than getting their acts together and playing for the playoffs, I'm sure most Saints fans will take this year's pattern over last year's. Saints

-Baltimore at Miami: My belief will always be that Brian Billick is a genius, but not genius enough to be that good a coach. Plus, he's starting Anthony Wright. Dolphins

-Houston at Buffalo: The Bills have hit a rough patch the last, oh, 8 games or so, but I really think they're due for a win. Remember, kids, the Texans are only a second-year team. Bills

-Jacksonville at Tennessee: I'm really impressed that the Jaguars won last week against the Colts, but I think that reflects more on the Colts' inability to win without Marvin Harrison than the Jags' ability to win at all. Titans

-Kansas City at Cincinnati: The phrase "trap game" comes to mind whenever I think of this week's matchup. I really hope I'm wrong here, but what are the chances of Jon Kitna having five good games in a season? I mean, honestly, he hasn't done that since 1999. Chiefs

-N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia: Jim Fassel may have a strong following around the New York area, but he lost to the freaking Falcons last week. Eagles

-St. Louis at Chicago: Sadly enough, the entire Saint Louis area will have to watch a game that could best be compared to Tyson vs. McNeely. Rams in a blowout

-Washington at Carolina: Steve Spurrier has given up playcalling duties in an attempt to save his job, and the 'Skins managed to win last week because of it. Maybe it's not the system but the guy in charge of it, eh? Panthers

-N.Y. Jets at Indianapolis: Another week without Marvin Harrison will not be good for the Colts. Look for the Jets to key in on Manning like no team has before. Jets, in my Upset Special

-San Diego at Denver: Flutie Magic? People, he is Forty-one years old. Broncos

-Detroit at Seattle: The Seahawks are terrible on the road, but much better at home. And these ARE the Lions. Mooch can only do so much in half a season. Seahawks

-Green Bay at Tampa Bay: In the game that will unofficially end Tampa Bay's season, the Packers will show the Bucs how a REAL team recovers from mediocre play. Green Bay

-Minnesota at Oakland: Three losses in a row? Well, here's the start of a win streak for our beloved Purple warriors. Vikings

-Dallas at New England: The master defeats the pupil. Quincy Carter has a moment of Zen. After the game, Belichick will start hanging up Feng Shui mirrors. Cowboys

-Pittsburgh at San Francisco: Have I made my complete and total lack of respect for Dennis Erickson clear? No? I should. Steelers

Honesty is the best policy
A recent poll by YouGov, a British public-opinion company, asked citizens by phone to rate several issues related to the US-GB alliance, including questions about George W. Bush and the state of the Alliance.

In a result that should surprise nobody, 37% of Britons think President Bush is "stupid," while another 33% consider him "incoherent." I'm not really sure how those two things rank compared to each other, but it should be noted that 10% of Britons consider President Bush to be "Intelligent."

I imagine that this is the same 10% that think Paris Hilton is normal.

What will those wacky cultists cook up next?
Another day, another great news release from the Raelians.

For those who don't know, the Raelian cult is a group of "scientists" and "believers" (neither term is particularly accurate in my book) based in Canada, headed by a guy named Rael. In case you were living undah da sea last year, the Raelians announced that they had successfully cloned five human children, and that they were born to surrogate families around the United States. Two things of note: 1) Cloning people is unethical and creepy, and 2) It's really, really hard.

The Raelians were met with an appropriate amount of skepiticism that bordered on angry incredulity when they made the announcement, partly because they refused to provide any of the children for genetic testing, or even show pictures ("might scar the kids," the suddenly high-and-mighty Raelians intoned). Finally, they presented one of the children for a photo op, but still refused paternity/identicality testing. The furor died down, and 200 million people who had never heard of the Raelians now figured them for kooks, and forgot about them again.

Well, they're back, and they've got something even better than cloning: The fountain of youth!

According to this story, the Raelians have announced that they've figured out how to reverse the aging process. In the article, the Raelians are given a compliment and slammed all at the same time; scientists admit that it's possible and that it's good science, but are pissed that the Raelians haven't released their methods or any significant results yet.

Here's the thing: Maybe the Raelians have done something worthwhile for once. I mean, they haven't all worn their Nikes and drank their Kool-aid yet, waiting for a starship behind a comet to take them away. They haven't killed anyone (that we know of). And they're performing a task that might actually be good for the world. Think about it:
-Joint pain? No problem - take the Raelians' treatment and you'll be good for another 20 years.
-Face lift? Nope - face replacement. Good stuff there, no doubt.
-Tired of old strippers? Haha, no problem now! Treat the wrinkles away, and your 10-dollar cover is well-spent once again.
-And, finally, there'll be no more of that pesky "Old Man Smell" that Bret Hart hates so much.

Now, I'm sure all sorts of other issues arise from this sort of process, including added pressure on social security, increased demand on resources and crops, etc. But I can't think about that now - I'm off to convince a floozy from the East Side to go to Canada with me. I hear the Purple Kool-Aid's the best.

I've got those, too!
From Bengals.com, the official website of the Cincinnati Bengals:

INJURY UPDATE: Starting cornerback Jeff Burris, who has left the last two games with head problems, has been ruled out of Sunday's game against the Chiefs.

"Head problems" are the same reason Charles Manson hasn't played a down this year.

Fourth Lateran Council party at my house!
Today marks the anniversary of the congregation of the Fourth Lateran Council†, under Pope Innocent III. Innocent was, and remains, one of the Catholic Church's most celebrated pontiffs, partly because of this Council (he was actually pretty famous beforehand, too, but I won't delve too much into that).

The lateran Council's greatest signifigance was codifying the dogma of transubstatiation, the belief that the bread and wine of Communion are, in fact, the body and blood of Christ. Here's the English-ified text of that proclamation:

There is one Universal Church of the faithful, outside of which there is absolutely no salvation. In which there is the same priest and sacrifice, Jesus Christ, whose body and blood are truly contained in the sacrament of the altar under the forms of bread and wine; the bread being changed (transsubstantiatio) by divine power into the body, and the wine into the blood, so that to realize the mystery of unity we may receive of Him what He has received of us. And this sacrament no one can effect except the priest who has been duly ordained in accordance with the keys of the Church, which Jesus Christ Himself gave to the Apostles and their successors.

Just for the hell of it, I'm going to mention the Donner Party.

So happy anniversary, transubstantiation. It's been a wild ride.

-------------

Another note from Lateran IV, is that priests must be punished for their excesses (Canon VIII).

...when anyone [a Cleric, as stated in the opening sentence of this Canon] shall have been accused on account of his excesses, so that the reports and whisperings arising therefrom cannot any longer be ignored without scandal or tolerated without danger, then steps, inspired not by hatred but by charity, must be taken without scruple toward an inquiry and punishment of his excesses.

I'm sure this has some sort of political implication. I won't bother stating it.

†The full text of the Council's work can be found, in English, here

Hasn't he learned yet?
The thing about being Chad Johson is just that - you're Chad Johnson. You're one of the NFL's most electrifying receivers, you're strong, fast, and with hands like kid, but you're stuck under the shadow of playing for the worst pro sports team in history (over the last 12 seasons - even the Clippers were better), and you're "Keyshawn Johnson's cousin." It seems like hyperbole, but I figure that three-fourths of all articles on Chad Johnson mention that he's Keyshawn's cousin. Crying shame, too, because Chad's better.

So to escape the collective darkness cast over him by mike brown (lowercase for a reason) and Keyshawn, Chad has taken to doing some rather dumb stuff - not drugs, no smuggling operations, and no prostitutues.

Guarantees.

Last year, the Bengals were 0-7 and travelling to Houston to take on the then-expansion Houston Texans, a team that showed some poise considering its position as an expansion team. In order to get his teammates' juices flowing, Johnson guaranteed a win. "We will beat the Texans."

Fine, no big. But Bengals head coach Dick LeBeau, now an assistant with the 4-5 Buffalo Bills, wasn't too thrilled, and urged Chad to tone down the rhetoric a bit. No dice; Johnson guaranteed a win against Cleveland later in the season, but the Bengals lost that game, dropping his career prognostication rationg to .500.

Earlier this season, during the Ravens-Bengals scrum, CBS Analyst Don Crique said on the air, "The Seahawks [coming to Cincinnati the week afterward] will lose" to the Bengals. Crique is widely regarded as being a complete and total dumbass - he's the same guy who called Drew Bledsoe "Jeff Bledsoe," and believes that the Bengals play in the Oakland Colliseum. Drug-addled mind aside, Crique turned out to be right, and he's now 1 for 1.

This last week, Bengals playing the Texans, Crique said that the Chiefs would lose to the Bengals on November 16, when they travel to Paul Brown Stadium, obviously trying to reduce his percentage to Johnson's .500.

Then Johnson came out, and all hell has broken lose as a result.

Johnson guaranteed a victory. Again. The guy has now made three proclamations, and he seems hell-bent on dropping lower in the all-time rankings, right behind Napoleon. Keep in mind that the Chiefs are the NFL's only undefeated team, at 9-0, and have one of the NFL's top-ranked offenses. Their defense, ranked 25th overall, may need some work, but this IS a Dick Vermeil team - they'll find a way to win.

Sometimes I wonder what, if anything, is going through Chad Johnson's head. He's serious, we should all know that by now, but it's one thing to make that statement to your teammates in the privacy of a team meeting, or while snapping towels in the locker room. But to tell the national media, and to ingrain such a thing in your opponents' minds as they come to town, just doesn't seem to me like a good idea.

Whatever. He'll always be a talker; he is, after all, Keyshawn's cousin.

I have nothing clever or witty to say before them...
So let's get straight to the picks!

-Arizona at Pittsburgh: Arizona has gotten pretty lucky the last two weeks, playing teams that really weren't on their best behavior. The Steelers get their feet back today. Steelers

-Atlanta at N.Y. Giants: This really is an easy pick, because the Falcons really are an easy win. I hope Dan Reeves keeps his job after this year, because he really is a good guy, but having a team fall apart because of one player is a sign of a bad GM and a bad coaching staff. Giants

-Chicago at Detroit: Every year, these teams play each other twice. Every year, the NFL's TV ratings sag in Chicago and Detroit. Bears

-Cleveland at Kansas City: You can't stop Priest Holmes, you can only hope to contain him. Unless you're the Cleveland Browns, at which point you can only hope he doesn't hurt you so much that you can't make it back to the airport for the long flight home. Great Googly Moogly, it's the Chiefs in a blowout

-Houston at Cincinnati: I think (hope) Houtston is overrated. Bengals

-Indianapolis at Jacksonville: Byron Leftwich still has the dropsies, with 14 fumbles over the last three weeks. This is a statistic that is integral to the understanding of the game, and we all know what that means. Colts

-Miami at Tennessee: Brian Griese has had some good performances the last two weeks, but really, the offensive line is a big problem in Miami. You know that if you're calling on Richmond Webb, you've got some issues. Titans

-Seattle at Washington: The Redskins players know they're fighting for Steve Spurrier's job, and that's a crying shame: nobody should ever be willing to play for him under any circumstances. But no matter, the Redskins will win in my Upset Special. Redskins

-Tampa Bay at Carolina: Some pundits are actually taking the Buccaneers' win-one-lose-one pattern this season seriously. I say they're retarded, because that means the Bucs would win, which won't happen - Panthers

-Minnesota at San Diego: Another day, another blowout. Drew Brees, Doug Flutie, it doesn't matter. When your team gives up its two best defensive starters, and when you have nothing behind them, you will be fighting for the number one draft choice. Vikings

-Buffalo at Dallas: Gregg Williams, when he was hired, was cast as a guy who was very thorough and methodical, a guy who had everything planned out. What happened? Cowboys

-N.Y. Jets at Oakland: Both of these teams are 2-6, and both are coming off of losses. The problem is that the Raiders are a bad, whereas the Jets are a good 2-6. Jets

-Baltimore at St. Louis: I like Kyle Boller, and he's shown the signs of greatness that mean he could be an above-average QB some day. But the Rams, when they fire on all cylinders, are a very good football team. The Ravens, when they fire on all cylinders, are still a team from the AFC North. Rams

-Philadelphia at Green Bay: Wow! Two weeks in a row, the NFL managed to schedule an MNF game that didn't suck. This must be a sign that the planets are aligned, and the world will soon come to an end. The problem is, they still have that idiot musical competition during halftime. WTF? Green Bay

Reason number 873 not to work at a university
My employment at a top-flight University really ought to be a dream job for me - I work in development, and while I don't do any fundraising myself, I do assist in the job (yeah, I'm a secretary, but it's a stepping stone, dammit).

The problem lies in the fact that I don't really know where the money that we in the Development office raise goes. Well, I know where some of it goes: flat-screen monitors on computers in the library that honestly don't need them. I mean, jeez - I'm looking at a freaking card catalog. Is a one-gigahertz pentium three really necessary for a computer that only runs one program?

But I do know where the money doesn't go: back to the staff that helps to raise it in the first place. I won't bitch about my pay here, because I did agree to my salary when I was hired.

A few weeks ago, my department's staff secretary came by my office and let me know that I'd be getting blinds to replace the heavy silk curtains in my office. My office is floor-to-ceiling windows on two sides, and the curtains were probably thirty years old. I don't really think they'd been washed since they were installed. Also, I'd be getting my office repainted to cover up the water damage that had occured when the gutters above leaked several years ago.

Problem one: Why had the damage not been fixed when it occured? By everyone's reckoning, the office's walls had been stained by rusty gutter water some time more than 10 years ago. Same for the curtains.

I was ecstatic when I heard the news: I like the idea of new stuff, and if it would improve the look of my office, so much the better. But when the blinds arrived, a new problem arose.

Problem two: the blinds were the wrong size: 10 inches too narrow.

Somewhere between the measurement and the manufacture of the blinds (which, I should point out, are custom-made for my office), some moron replaced "63 inches" with "53 inches" in the computers. The installers were very sorry about the whole thing, but it seems that they should have measured the blinds before putting them up on my walls. Well, that's a moot point now. The company that manufactured the blinds will be installing new ones, for free. It seems to me that that's the least they could do, you know, since they did screw the pooch on this.

I'm told that this nonsense is costing the University $2,000. It seems to me that there are better ways to spend that money - I would have been fine with the old drapes if I'd known that I'd have to spend three weeks with silly-ass blinds.

Feh.

NFL Picks for week 9

So I skipped Bauhaus this year...not that that's a big shock, as I haven't gone since senior year (understandable, since a full-time employee going to a party where 4000 people dress likes sluts might be a bit creepy). But the thing is, I don't think I would have gone if I were still a student, either. I understand that the University is worried about the safety of its "family," and that the tent that the students use for Bauhaus is only capable of holding 2,000 people, so they only issued 2000 tickets.

But the problem is that the University has created a bit of a monster by charging for tickets to an event that has always previously been free. I wonder why in the world they would do that, considering that students already get charged a 500-Dollar "Activity Fee" that should conveivably go to groups like the Architecture School's student governing board, which runs Bauhaus.

And, of course, the University made every effort to make the party dry. I hate to be a member of the "old guard," but really, the University did everything in its power to make sure that underage students did not drink, and never really encouraged underage drinking anyway - I don't ever remember seeing a poster saying, "Hey kids! Get liquored up!" Usually, the University tried the whole social norming thing, which of course didn't work. Unless the campus goes totally dry, this school, like every other school in the country, will have a problem with underage drinking. Simple as that.

But enough about my alcoholism - on to the picks!

-Carolina at Houston: This really oughtn't be a contest, and I don't think it will be. The "strong Houston defense" has been replaced with "Mommy!" Panthers

-Indianapolis at Miami: In a bid to keep his starting job, Brian Griese will do everything in his power to make the Indianapolis disappear, including posing as their bus driver and driving the Colts to Tampa. I don't think it'll work.
Colts

-Jacksonville at Baltimore: Here's the key to this game: The phenomenally bad Jaguars defense. Whenever the Jags give up more points than their opponents, they lose. Funny how that works.
Ravens

-New Orleans at Tampa Bay: Why is Aaron Brooks still playing football? Shouldn't he be selling life insurance by now? He'll wish he were after this game's over.
Buccaneers

-N.Y. Giants at N.Y. Jets: I know that Jim Fassel's teams have a history of starting weak and finishing strong, including the 2000 Giants that were NFC Champions, but this team seems both significantly older and worse-er.
Jets

-Oakland at Detroit: In what will be regarded by nobody as an upset, Steve Mariucci will finally prove why Matt Millen thought he was worth $5,000,000. It doesn't hurt that the Lions will be playing Geritol's newest official sponsors.
Lions (upset special)

-San Diego at Chicago: How much do I NOT want to pick this game? How bad can two teams be? I mean, honestly - when your starting quarterback throws two interceptions in the first ten minutes of a game, what do you do? If you're Marty Schottenheimer, you ride him for all he's worth. Problem is, Drew Brees is worth less than Chris Chandler.
Bears, in a completely worthless exhibition of crappiness.

-Cincinnati at Arizona: The common perception among Bengals fans on the internet is that those who root for the team are "sheople," and thus grow wool. Let me tell you, this shit gets itchy in the Saint Louis heat. Arizona's good run defense be damned, the rest of the team really, really sucks.
Bengals

-Pittsburgh at Seattle: I really wish the XFL were still in existance, if only for Tommy Maddox's sake - he looked good there. What happened?
Seahawks

-Philadelphia at Atlanta: Michael Vick thinks he'll be back on November 30th. Kurt Kittner, Doug Johnson - heck, the Falcons could start Jeff George again, it wouldn't matter. This is a team that is not even close to playing up to its potential, and it's a sad thing to watch. This one will be a blowout.
Eagles

-St. Louis at San Francisco: I really have no respect for Dennis Erickson, and I don't have any respect for a managerial organization that fires a guy who somehow kept Terrell Owens under control.
Rams

-Washington at Dallas: Maybe it's time to send Steve Spurrier back to the minor leagues. Abandoning the run game? Well, silly, all of your running backs are hurt, but that doesn't mean you oughtn't give up completely. Trung Canidate...oh, wait...I forgot. Yeah - abandon the running game.
Cowboys

-Green Bay at Minnesota: A Sunday Night Showdown between two teams still reeling. The Vikings are still a very good team at home, and the Metrodome is not a place any team wants to visit. Brett Favre, even during his best seasons, has trouble in domes, and he just doesn't have the supporting cast to be able to save this team again.
Vikings

-New England at Denver: Is there something about the Monday Night Mojo that the teams that play have to be really, really bad? I mean, New England is a good team and all, but I'm still looking at Denver's performance last week. I mean, honestly. Danny Kanell?!?!?
Patriots