What will those wacky cultists cook up next?
Another day, another great news release from the Raelians.

For those who don't know, the Raelian cult is a group of "scientists" and "believers" (neither term is particularly accurate in my book) based in Canada, headed by a guy named Rael. In case you were living undah da sea last year, the Raelians announced that they had successfully cloned five human children, and that they were born to surrogate families around the United States. Two things of note: 1) Cloning people is unethical and creepy, and 2) It's really, really hard.

The Raelians were met with an appropriate amount of skepiticism that bordered on angry incredulity when they made the announcement, partly because they refused to provide any of the children for genetic testing, or even show pictures ("might scar the kids," the suddenly high-and-mighty Raelians intoned). Finally, they presented one of the children for a photo op, but still refused paternity/identicality testing. The furor died down, and 200 million people who had never heard of the Raelians now figured them for kooks, and forgot about them again.

Well, they're back, and they've got something even better than cloning: The fountain of youth!

According to this story, the Raelians have announced that they've figured out how to reverse the aging process. In the article, the Raelians are given a compliment and slammed all at the same time; scientists admit that it's possible and that it's good science, but are pissed that the Raelians haven't released their methods or any significant results yet.

Here's the thing: Maybe the Raelians have done something worthwhile for once. I mean, they haven't all worn their Nikes and drank their Kool-aid yet, waiting for a starship behind a comet to take them away. They haven't killed anyone (that we know of). And they're performing a task that might actually be good for the world. Think about it:
-Joint pain? No problem - take the Raelians' treatment and you'll be good for another 20 years.
-Face lift? Nope - face replacement. Good stuff there, no doubt.
-Tired of old strippers? Haha, no problem now! Treat the wrinkles away, and your 10-dollar cover is well-spent once again.
-And, finally, there'll be no more of that pesky "Old Man Smell" that Bret Hart hates so much.

Now, I'm sure all sorts of other issues arise from this sort of process, including added pressure on social security, increased demand on resources and crops, etc. But I can't think about that now - I'm off to convince a floozy from the East Side to go to Canada with me. I hear the Purple Kool-Aid's the best.