NFL Picks for week 9
So I skipped Bauhaus this year...not that that's a big shock, as I haven't gone since senior year (understandable, since a full-time employee going to a party where 4000 people dress likes sluts might be a bit creepy). But the thing is, I don't think I would have gone if I were still a student, either. I understand that the University is worried about the safety of its "family," and that the tent that the students use for Bauhaus is only capable of holding 2,000 people, so they only issued 2000 tickets.
But the problem is that the University has created a bit of a monster by charging for tickets to an event that has always previously been free. I wonder why in the world they would do that, considering that students already get charged a 500-Dollar "Activity Fee" that should conveivably go to groups like the Architecture School's student governing board, which runs Bauhaus.
And, of course, the University made every effort to make the party dry. I hate to be a member of the "old guard," but really, the University did everything in its power to make sure that underage students did not drink, and never really encouraged underage drinking anyway - I don't ever remember seeing a poster saying, "Hey kids! Get liquored up!" Usually, the University tried the whole social norming thing, which of course didn't work. Unless the campus goes totally dry, this school, like every other school in the country, will have a problem with underage drinking. Simple as that.
But enough about my alcoholism - on to the picks!
-Carolina at Houston: This really oughtn't be a contest, and I don't think it will be. The "strong Houston defense" has been replaced with "Mommy!" Panthers
-Indianapolis at Miami: In a bid to keep his starting job, Brian Griese will do everything in his power to make the Indianapolis disappear, including posing as their bus driver and driving the Colts to Tampa. I don't think it'll work.
Colts
-Jacksonville at Baltimore: Here's the key to this game: The phenomenally bad Jaguars defense. Whenever the Jags give up more points than their opponents, they lose. Funny how that works.
Ravens
-New Orleans at Tampa Bay: Why is Aaron Brooks still playing football? Shouldn't he be selling life insurance by now? He'll wish he were after this game's over.
Buccaneers
-N.Y. Giants at N.Y. Jets: I know that Jim Fassel's teams have a history of starting weak and finishing strong, including the 2000 Giants that were NFC Champions, but this team seems both significantly older and worse-er.
Jets
-Oakland at Detroit: In what will be regarded by nobody as an upset, Steve Mariucci will finally prove why Matt Millen thought he was worth $5,000,000. It doesn't hurt that the Lions will be playing Geritol's newest official sponsors.
Lions (upset special)
-San Diego at Chicago: How much do I NOT want to pick this game? How bad can two teams be? I mean, honestly - when your starting quarterback throws two interceptions in the first ten minutes of a game, what do you do? If you're Marty Schottenheimer, you ride him for all he's worth. Problem is, Drew Brees is worth less than Chris Chandler.
Bears, in a completely worthless exhibition of crappiness.
-Cincinnati at Arizona: The common perception among Bengals fans on the internet is that those who root for the team are "sheople," and thus grow wool. Let me tell you, this shit gets itchy in the Saint Louis heat. Arizona's good run defense be damned, the rest of the team really, really sucks.
Bengals
-Pittsburgh at Seattle: I really wish the XFL were still in existance, if only for Tommy Maddox's sake - he looked good there. What happened?
Seahawks
-Philadelphia at Atlanta: Michael Vick thinks he'll be back on November 30th. Kurt Kittner, Doug Johnson - heck, the Falcons could start Jeff George again, it wouldn't matter. This is a team that is not even close to playing up to its potential, and it's a sad thing to watch. This one will be a blowout.
Eagles
-St. Louis at San Francisco: I really have no respect for Dennis Erickson, and I don't have any respect for a managerial organization that fires a guy who somehow kept Terrell Owens under control.
Rams
-Washington at Dallas: Maybe it's time to send Steve Spurrier back to the minor leagues. Abandoning the run game? Well, silly, all of your running backs are hurt, but that doesn't mean you oughtn't give up completely. Trung Canidate...oh, wait...I forgot. Yeah - abandon the running game.
Cowboys
-Green Bay at Minnesota: A Sunday Night Showdown between two teams still reeling. The Vikings are still a very good team at home, and the Metrodome is not a place any team wants to visit. Brett Favre, even during his best seasons, has trouble in domes, and he just doesn't have the supporting cast to be able to save this team again.
Vikings
-New England at Denver: Is there something about the Monday Night Mojo that the teams that play have to be really, really bad? I mean, New England is a good team and all, but I'm still looking at Denver's performance last week. I mean, honestly. Danny Kanell?!?!?
Patriots
But the problem is that the University has created a bit of a monster by charging for tickets to an event that has always previously been free. I wonder why in the world they would do that, considering that students already get charged a 500-Dollar "Activity Fee" that should conveivably go to groups like the Architecture School's student governing board, which runs Bauhaus.
And, of course, the University made every effort to make the party dry. I hate to be a member of the "old guard," but really, the University did everything in its power to make sure that underage students did not drink, and never really encouraged underage drinking anyway - I don't ever remember seeing a poster saying, "Hey kids! Get liquored up!" Usually, the University tried the whole social norming thing, which of course didn't work. Unless the campus goes totally dry, this school, like every other school in the country, will have a problem with underage drinking. Simple as that.
But enough about my alcoholism - on to the picks!
-Carolina at Houston: This really oughtn't be a contest, and I don't think it will be. The "strong Houston defense" has been replaced with "Mommy!" Panthers
-Indianapolis at Miami: In a bid to keep his starting job, Brian Griese will do everything in his power to make the Indianapolis disappear, including posing as their bus driver and driving the Colts to Tampa. I don't think it'll work.
Colts
-Jacksonville at Baltimore: Here's the key to this game: The phenomenally bad Jaguars defense. Whenever the Jags give up more points than their opponents, they lose. Funny how that works.
Ravens
-New Orleans at Tampa Bay: Why is Aaron Brooks still playing football? Shouldn't he be selling life insurance by now? He'll wish he were after this game's over.
Buccaneers
-N.Y. Giants at N.Y. Jets: I know that Jim Fassel's teams have a history of starting weak and finishing strong, including the 2000 Giants that were NFC Champions, but this team seems both significantly older and worse-er.
Jets
-Oakland at Detroit: In what will be regarded by nobody as an upset, Steve Mariucci will finally prove why Matt Millen thought he was worth $5,000,000. It doesn't hurt that the Lions will be playing Geritol's newest official sponsors.
Lions (upset special)
-San Diego at Chicago: How much do I NOT want to pick this game? How bad can two teams be? I mean, honestly - when your starting quarterback throws two interceptions in the first ten minutes of a game, what do you do? If you're Marty Schottenheimer, you ride him for all he's worth. Problem is, Drew Brees is worth less than Chris Chandler.
Bears, in a completely worthless exhibition of crappiness.
-Cincinnati at Arizona: The common perception among Bengals fans on the internet is that those who root for the team are "sheople," and thus grow wool. Let me tell you, this shit gets itchy in the Saint Louis heat. Arizona's good run defense be damned, the rest of the team really, really sucks.
Bengals
-Pittsburgh at Seattle: I really wish the XFL were still in existance, if only for Tommy Maddox's sake - he looked good there. What happened?
Seahawks
-Philadelphia at Atlanta: Michael Vick thinks he'll be back on November 30th. Kurt Kittner, Doug Johnson - heck, the Falcons could start Jeff George again, it wouldn't matter. This is a team that is not even close to playing up to its potential, and it's a sad thing to watch. This one will be a blowout.
Eagles
-St. Louis at San Francisco: I really have no respect for Dennis Erickson, and I don't have any respect for a managerial organization that fires a guy who somehow kept Terrell Owens under control.
Rams
-Washington at Dallas: Maybe it's time to send Steve Spurrier back to the minor leagues. Abandoning the run game? Well, silly, all of your running backs are hurt, but that doesn't mean you oughtn't give up completely. Trung Canidate...oh, wait...I forgot. Yeah - abandon the running game.
Cowboys
-Green Bay at Minnesota: A Sunday Night Showdown between two teams still reeling. The Vikings are still a very good team at home, and the Metrodome is not a place any team wants to visit. Brett Favre, even during his best seasons, has trouble in domes, and he just doesn't have the supporting cast to be able to save this team again.
Vikings
-New England at Denver: Is there something about the Monday Night Mojo that the teams that play have to be really, really bad? I mean, New England is a good team and all, but I'm still looking at Denver's performance last week. I mean, honestly. Danny Kanell?!?!?
Patriots
posted by Brian at 12:05 AM
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