Another failure of marketing
I was just watching 48 hours on CBS, rather than watch Dick Clark age gracefully for a 249th year. As is the nature of broadcast television, CBS must run advertisements to pay their bills. Upon my boob tube appeared perhaps the worst product pitch I've seen: The Most Relaxing Classical Album...Ever is now on sale, and being advertised.

As much as I appreciate the effort that some fine company in Colorado Springs is doing to keep us all calm and complacent in these increasingly hectic times, but you'd think they could come up with a better title than that at some point in the creation process. Or maybe a better ad than just a beach scene with soothing classical music in the background...because that's all it was, for 45 seconds. Just a beach...and music...and soft focus...and....ahhhh...

Anyway, if you want the album, feel free to call 1-800-228-1234. It's toll-free, and a wonderful two-tape or two-CD collection that can be yours for just about 35 dollars.

Be careful, though, because they included Boccherini's "Minuet," which I've always thought angries up the blood.

I'm back!
Yeah, back in the good ol' S T L. Now that I'm back, I'd like to divert your attention a little bit, if possible:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like it's better than yours
Damn right, it's better than yours
I could teach you,
But I'd have to charge.

This is not music. Not at all. This merely makes people dumber for having heard it.

Thank you. You may now get on with your lives.

Sorry about the lack of posting
I've been pretty much incommunicado since my last post (read down, yo), but I want to say that I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and a Happy Chanukah (tonight's the eighth night, time to get wild!).

Since I'm low on internet connection speed, I'll just post my picks and hope they go through before 1:00. (It's about 12:52 EST now).

Saturday Games-
Buffalo @ New England: NE
Seattle @ San Francisco: SFO
Philadelphia @ Washington: PHI

Sunday Games-
St. Louis @ Detroit: STL
Cleveland @ Cincinnati: CIN
Tampa Bay @ Tennessee: TEN
Jacksonville @ Atlanta: JAX
NY Jets @ Miami: MIA
Dallas @ New Orleans: DAL
Chicago @ Kansas City: KC
Indianapolis @ Houston: IND
Carolina @ NY Giants: CAR
Minnesota @ Arizona: MIN
Denver @ Green Bay: GB
Oakland @ San Diego: Who cares? OAK
Pittsburgh @ Baltimore: PIT (please?) This is my upset of the week, since the Ravens are a significantly better team.

Back to bashing the Republicans!
In a story that's been mostly kept under wraps, Representative Nick Smith (R-MI) wrote in a newspaper column on November 23rd that he had been offered bribes by members of the Republican House Leadership to vote for the new Medicare reform act that was signed into law by President Bush.

Anyone who knows how politics works should not be all that surprised; there is a fine line between making donations to a candidate's campaign and making donations to a campaigning candidate.

Back to Nick Smith.

Representative Smith's son Brad is making a run at a seat in the House of Representatives elections in 2004 to take over the elder's seat (he's retiring). Party leadership made threats against the younger Smith's campaign, by threatening to support opposition Republican campaigns if votes were not swung the reform bill's way.

This constitutes a bribe attempt, if it's true, because federal law prevents offering gifts of monetary value in exchange for votes. Not that this stops anyone, obviously.

The question one must first ask is, "is this true?" Representative Smith has nothing to lose by smearing his own party's leadership, since he won't be competing for committee posts again. However, he also has nothing to gain: it's likely that party leaders would not hold the father's actions against the son, and I'm sure that Representative Smith is not so uncaring that he would consider ruining his son's political career to get a little attention thrown his way. Really, he has no motive to lie, so I'm going to take his word for it.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert has denied allegations, if only through his office, and an Acting Deputy Attorney General, Mr. James Comey said that he hadn't heard the allegations, but did say that "whenever we get a request to investigate, we read it carefully and make an evaluation," as to whether or not it's a claim worth the DOJ's time.

Read the story here.

It should be noted that Representitive Smith did not cave, and voted "Nay."

It should also be noted that Mr. Smith has also since recanted what he said, claiming that what happened was not technically bribery, and is now saying that it was someone outside of the House that offered "substantial and aggressive campaign support," and that he merely assumed that meant money. (Foxnews has a report here.

Either way, it's something that should be looked into. Buying a vote is buying a vote, whether it's inside or outside the hallowed Capitol grounds.

NFL Picks, one week left!
After this week, there's only one more left in the NFL Season. Seems like only yesterday I was bemoaning a Buccaneers win in the Super Bowl (because it kept Warren Sapp in our collective consciousness for another 8 months), and here we are with the regular season almost over.

So, here we go:
Saturday Games:
Atlanta at Tampa Bay: Somehow, someway, Tampa Bay is still in the playoff hunt. Atlanta is not. Buccaneers
Kansas City at Minnesota: In what probably constitutes an upset, especially the way the Purple People Allowers to Runners Throughers have been playing, they will beat the now-overrated Chiefs. Vikings
New England at NY Jets: No contest. The Patriots are the best team in the NFL right now, which everyone knows. Tough luck for the Jets. Patriots

Sunday Games:
Miami at Buffalo: I predicted, along with everyone else, that Dave Wannstedt would lose his job this season. And I, along with everyone else, will be right. Oh, and so will Gregg Williams, but nobody cares about him. Bills
NY Giants at Dallas: So, let me get this straight: you fire your coach, but keep him around? What good does that do? Cowboys
Detroit at Carolina: The Detroit Lions are growing something bigger than themselves: The Streak. It extends to 24 this week. Panthers
Washington at Chicago: Dan Snyder has announced that Steve Spurrier will be kept next season. Dick Jauron, however, probably won't be. What horrible God allowed the Bears to get to 6-8? Redskins
Tennessee at Houston: For a guy who turned the Panthers into a NFC title-game participant after only two years, Dom Capers seems like a bumbling idiot with the Texans. Titans
Cincinnati at St. Louis: pleaseohpleaseohplease Bengals
Baltimore at Cleveland: In a game that means everything to the Ravens, they'll beat up on Cleveland like nobody's business. Ravens
New Orleans at Jacksonville: I like the way the Jaguars are playing behind Leftwich, and I know that Aaron Brooks is playing "Let's all be schizophrenic now" on his harmonica, but really, New Orleans is a better team. Saints
San Diego at Pittsburgh: John Butler's legacy will be forever tainted by letting Rodney Harrison and Junior Seau go, and David Boston come in. Steelers
Arizona at Seattle: Rumors are rumbling that Mike Holmgren's job is in jeopardy right now, and I can understand why. He should quiet the critics for a while this week. Seahawks
San Francisco at Philadelphia: Last week proved the 49ers' weakness is their defense, especially against the run. Their offense is something special, though. Eagles
Denver at Indianapolis: This is a tough one to call, since the Colts have less to play for than the Broncos. But they should still put one together. Colts

Monday game:
Green Bay at Oakland: Poor Oakland. Let us all lament the passing of their dink-and-dunk at the hands of age and a bad shipment of geritol. Packers

Week 15 picks!
Ok, so these are a little late, but I forgot all about this and just woke up. Here are the picks. No reasons, just winners.
Atlanta @ Indy: Colts
Bills @ Titans: Titans
Lions @ Chiefs: KC
Texans @ Bucs: Texans
Jaguars @ Pats: Pats
Vikings @ Chicago: Vikings
Steelers @ Jets: Jets
Seahawks @ Rams: Rams
49ers @ Cinci: Bengals
Ravens @ Oakland: Oakland (please?)
Cleveland @ Denver: Denver
Panthers @ Cardinals: Panthers
Cowboys @ Redskins: Cowboys
Packers @ Chargers: Packers
Giants @ Saints: Saints
Eagles @ Dolphins: Eagles
There you go.

I think I'm sick. I agree with the President!
Now, my loyal reader will note that I am generally very critical of the Bush administration and their dealings with everything from the war in Iraq to environmental policy. Don't get me started on election law, either. Part of my criticism stems from the fact that the administration is usually wrong, and the other part stems from the fact that President Bush is controlled more by his advisors than by the country's best interests.

But, at the moment, I'm going to cast all of that aside and say that on one point, the President is right: the awarding of post-war rebuilding contracts.

The administration announced recently that only countries which supported the war in Iraq (there were like two of them) would be eligible to have companies bid on contracts aimed at rebuiling a country ravaged by 20 years of Hussein's rule and another 7 months of U.S. Military occupation. Immediately after making the announcement, Germany, Russia, France, Canada, and U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan expressed their displeasure. "Why," they asked, "can't we bid?" All four countries are said to be looking into whether these restrictions violate international laws and treaties.

The administration has reasoned that those countries whose soldiers bore the actual risk of combat were the countries who had actually helped out the United States, and those countries were the ones who deserved the opportunity to bid:

"Our people risked their lives. Coalition, friendly coalition folks risked their lives and therefore, the contracting is going to reflect that, and that's what the U.S. taxpayers expect."

And, actually, he's right. The attempts by countries like Germany and France to first oppose the war, but then attempt to make money off of the war, amounts to profiteering. They're attempting to cash in on the results of a military conflict in which they had precisely zero stake, and frankly, that ain't right. The Canadians are a slightlly different story, since they have committed troops to the rebuilding effort, and perhaps they should be excluded from the exclusions; but then, we can't expect the Bush administration to do something perfectly the first time around, now can we?

Now, should the U.S. have gone to Iraq in the first place? Probably not. Should we have gone to Iraq without any sort of coherent plan for rebuilding the country, and without any real knowledge of the actual situation on the ground? Ummm...no. But that doesn't mean that countries that were in the right in the first place should be able to cash in on our bumbling around now. Profiteering is illegal and immoral, and for these countries to attempt to do so under the guise of "international law" is lower than low. Shame on them.

NFL Picks for week 14

It's funny, really, but my picks last week were supposed to be week 13, not week 12. I'm just a putz.

Also contributing to my putzness was my pathetic 7-9 record last week. Honestly. That's just lame. But who could have predicted that the Lions would win last week over the Packers? And the Dolphins over the Cowboys? Is that for real? Or are the Cowboys for fake?

We'll find out on Sunday. Here are my Picks For Week 14 (Honestly):

Chicago at Green Bay: Green Bay will win, if only because, well, the opponent is Chicago. As much promise as they've shown this season with the youngsters, Brett Favre knows when his back is against the wall. Green Bay

Cincinnati at Baltimore: This is a tough game; good offense against good defense, mediocre offense against middling defense. But I think the Bengals are playing with heart. That, and seriously, folks. It's manifest destiny time. Cincinnati

Dallas at Philadelphia: Miami proved what some people (not including myself) knew all along: that Dallas was playing above themselves. Their downfall continues this week in the City of Brotherly Love and Occasional Abject Hatred. Philadelphia

Houston at Jacksonville: This is ripe for a micro-upset. Jacksonville proved last week that they could dance with the Champ and knock him down, and they're on an emotional high right now. Their first two-game streak under Leftwich starts now. Jacksonville

Indianapolis at Tennessee: Peyton Manning is good, but some say he's a lot like Plummer: make mistakes, dig himself out of them, get lauded as a great player. I don't know about that, but I do know that the Titans are a better team. Tennessee

Oakland at Pittsburgh: The Oakland defense is even more of a glaring weakness than the Oakland offense, if that's possible. I'm leaning towards Pittsburgh, especially after their performance last week. Pittsburgh

San Diego at Detroit: I really don't know or care. I flipped a coin and came up with the Lions, so there you go. Detroit

Seattle at Minnesota: Seattle has played poorly on the road all season, and I see no reason for that to stop now. Besides, if Jon Kitna can take apart the Seattle defense, even as well as he's playing, there's no reason that Daunte, Randy, and Jay can't do the same. Minnesota

Tampa Bay at New Orleans: The Tampa slide continues, as they lose to the lowly Saints. Aaron Brooks is doing an excellent job of saving Jim Haslett's job and his place as the franchise's quarterback. New Orleans

Washington at N.Y. Giants: Two teams in the same division go head-to-head for third place in the NFC East. Tough luck for Patrick Ramsey, but that Hasselbeck kid is something else. Watch for Bruce Smith to bitch and whine like a two-year old at least once in the second quarter. Washington

Arizona at San Francisco:The Cardinals are finding that they might have a groove after all. The SF cornerbacks are pretty streaky, and this isn't their week. Arizona

Kansas City at Denver: Upset Special! The Denver Broncos are finding ways to win (every so often), and their running backs are just the thing they need to expose the Chiefs' most glaring weakness: run defense. I don't know how well the Broncos's defense will hold up against Priest, but I know that Shanahan is smart enough to ram the ball when it needs to be rammed. Broncos

Miami at New England: Last week was an anomaly. This week it's really freaking cold. New England

N.Y. Jets at Buffalo: Willis MaGahee may play this weekend, and if he does, it'll be the spark the Bills need to continue their win streak at...uhm....two. Buffalo

Carolina at Atlanta: Michael Vick has asked Dan Reeves not to leave anything on the table this week, as the Vickster feels he's at about 95% strength. Carolina is good, but I think the Falcons' pickup of Ross off of waiver wires is the thing they need to nail down the secondary. Atlanta

St. Louis at Cleveland: The Browns should just stop playing. Seriously. Somebody could get hurt. St. Louis

So there we have it. Let's hope I can pick up the positives from last week and move on. Seven and Nine? Come on, I'm better than that.

Right?

An almost-brush with fame
Every three months or so, I get a phone call from a staff member at KETC Channel 9, St. Louis's public television station. The gist of the call is that the station wants me to come in and answer phone calls during their pledge drive. In return for my butt in a seat, the channel will provide me with some degree of remuneration.

Fair enough. I can always use the money, and it's nice to feel wanted.

The bonus is that periodically, St. Louis celebrities will come in or call in to the station to voice their support. Yesterday was one of those days, when the echoing voices of Tony La Russa and Joe Buck were broadcast over the airwaves. Each stated their ongoing support for public television, yada yada, Sesame Street, blah blah blah. The occasion on this night was that Dennis DeYoung, formerly of the band Styx, was at the station and on the air, hocking his January concert and giving away tickets in exchange for station support ($180 got you two tickets in the orchestra section at the Fox).

But here's the thing: Neither Buck nor La Russa actually supported the station during their phone calls.

So a few hours after DeYoung leaves, I got a phone call from Tony La Russa, and took down his credit card info, phone number, and billing address.

There you go: that's my story. It's right up there with almost killing Bud Selig in a bathroom.

And then I found 20 dollars!