Well, Now it's a Threequel

My mother emailed me yesterday asking for martini recipes. Apparently, I make the only martini that my father has ever liked, and considering his track record, that's saying something.

So below are two martini recipes that I very much enjoy:

The classic vodka martini:

• Take dry vermouth (I use Martini & Rossi brand), pour a half a splash into a martini class. Slowly roll the glass so that the vermouth thinly coats the interior of the glass, then pour the remainder back into the vermouth bottle.


• Use Svedka brand vodka. Clear bottle, blue cap, great taste.


• Pour 1.5-2 oz of vodka into a shaker over 3-4 ice cubes.


• Shake vigorously until water starts to condense on the outside of the shaker (that's the trick to tell the bartender that the contents are cold).


• Strain vodka into the martini glass. If it's the right temperature, you'll see a few small ice chips swirling in the center of the glass.


• Gas out a small amount of vermouth over the martini, without actually pouring any liquid vermouth (mebbe one or two drops are OK). As a vapor, vermouth is heavier than air, and so will sit on the surface of the vodka (which, while chilled, will help keep it there) and add a bit of an odor to the martini that doesn't exist without this technique.


• Spear and add two olives, three if you think you're low on vegetables.

Background information:
Dry martinis have less vermouth; sweet martinis have more.
Neat martinis have no olive juice except what is on the olives; dirty martinis do, and are sins against the Lord.

For a sharper taste, you can use Ketel One vodka. I intensely dislike Grey Goose, although some people, who are idiots, swear by it. Belvedere is a good newer brand, very smooth, but more expensive than Svedka or Ketel One. Stay away from Smirnoff or Popov - the former is really only good for shots, the second is really only good for making your own coffee liquer.

The other martini I drink is called a Berlin Station Chief, and was invented at the Palmer House in Chicago:

• Take a thin strip of lemon peel, and wipe it on the inside of a martini glass, so a little oil smears the glass. Leave the peel in the glass.


• Place four ice cubes in a shaker.


• Pour just a splash of scotch, enough to wash the ice, into the shaker. Shake gently and strain into a tumbler and set aside (the bartender can drink it).


• Pour 1.5-2 oz of Bombay Sapphire Gin into the shaker. Shake gently or swirl, so as not to bruise the gin. You'll see condensation on the bottom part of the shaker (if you aren't too violent) when the gin is cold enough.


• Strain into the martini glass.

The scotch that washes the ice and the lemon peel's oils smooth out the taste of the gin, which is naturally very sharp and piney (owing to the juniper berries that are used to make gin). This martini has no need for vermouth or olives.

It's Something Like a Sequel

When Kirsten and I found out she was pregnant, she asked me to give up beer - she was becoming something of a coin-o'-sewer of the stuff, and I think she knew she'd be jealous of me if I were able to continue to drink at will, and she wasn't.

So I tried to give up the sweet sweet muscle juice, I really did - but, in the end, I failed at least once or twice. I knew Kirsten wasn't a big fan of liquor drinks, so I would have a martini every now and again, and neither of us really thought much of it - at least, I hope not. She never brought it up, anyway.

But now that the baby is here, I'm able to re-start my alcoholism. So is Kirsten, come to think of it - she can have up to one beer, wine, or spirit per day.

I celebrated today by drinking an Irish coffee. But since it's made on a French press, I added some brandy to it. And since I'm using French brandy and a French press, I decided to call it a "Frirish coffee."

It'll sound better after three or four, I'm sure.

On an unrelated note, why is the Grinch's dog Max so happy? Shouldn't Max, having to deal with the Grinch all the time, be chronically depressed? Or shouldn't the Grinch want an angry dog to go with his own personality?

Maybe I Could Stuff 'em all in a Camry?

You know those cards you can buy for people that say, "In the year of your birth, the most common dog name was...the cost of a gallon of milk was....the top song on the radio was..."? I wanted to get something like that for my daughter. But I wanted to make it a little more real.

So I need to find a box big enough to place inside a few unused coins, a gallon of milk, a golden retriever (most popular dog) named Ethan (most popular boy's name according to BabyCenter.com), and Lady Gaga (top pop song the week my daughter was born).

Look out, World

I am now a father.