Well, That's Disappointing

There is, in fact, a day called "Worldwide Go Topless Day." It's not a holiday like Stay Away From Seattle Day, which was in fact designed to help Seattle (September 16th), or Multiple Personalities Day (March 5th).

In fact, it's not even about going topless, which is why I'm so disappointed that the day exists at all.

It's about taking the top off of your Jeep Wrangler.

I feel like I've been lied to my whole life, or at least since I first heard about this stupid thing (which, truth be told, was around 8:45 this morning).

They Stole the Super Bowl, Anyway

I just got back from another work trip, this time to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I'd never call it "beautiful Pittsburgh," that's for certain. There are some pretty nice views, and some interesting buildings like PPG Place, which is basically a six-building set of glass. And the views from PNC Park are better than the views from Busch Stadium, that's for sure. Of course, that might have something to do with the giant dirt hole that was supposed to be the economic savior of downtown.

But really, it's a very dirty, dingy, gritty town. That's not necessarily a bad thing - after all, the city was built on grit and dust and legends like Joe Magarac (who may or may not have been an actual legend of the area). But the problem is that the dust and grit and dirt carry over into downtown - which looks like it needs a good powerwashing, glass buildings included. Everything downtown has a layer of dust on it.

And everyone in that city smokes. I was walking through downtown looking for Macy's to buy a new necktie to replace the one I'd poured coffee all over on Wednesday morning (long story, don't ask), and it was tough to breathe because of all of the cigarette smoke wafting through the air.

And the highways - good lord, help the citizens there. I had a 7:30 breakfast on Thurdsday and was late for it because it took me more than an hour to drive from my hotel to downtown Pittsburgh, 6 miles away. The problem is that all of the onramps lead into the offramps, just like in St. Louis, so traffic backs up to let people on and off. And everything there is two lanes - there are no three-lane highways leading into the city. So this means there's not really any room for through traffic to move, and so everything becomes one giant motorized clusterfuck.

But now I'm back, and so I can stop bitching about Pittsburgh, and start bitching about Saint Louis again.

Terrible News, Everybody!

The FTC has started pursuing pornography spammers! Oh, the humanity!

Read more about the tragedy here.

Now how will I ever get my daily fix of fake Anna Kournikova nude pictures?

Wakey Wakey Eggs and Shakey

So, uhm...the midwest has had two earthquakes this morning, centered 130 miles east of St. Louis and 240 miles south of chicago.

Side question: Why do the news organizations all label the quakes as being south of chicago? St. Louis is closer, and we ARE a major city still. Major enough, anyway (more on this later).

Well, technically one quake and an aftershock.

I live in St. Louis now, and there are always quiet whispers about The Big Quake of 1812, the New Madrid Earthquake that toppled chimneys in louisville and reversed the direction of the mississippi river, but I always just sorta figured I'd be long dead and buried before we had one here.

For the record, I'm not concerned or anything - these are all centered in Illinois, and anyone who knows missourians know how much we hate chicago and by extension everything in Illinois (males over the legal drinking age make a few exceptions for specific establishments) but, by and large, it's a totally new experience.

The first quake happened at 4:37 this morning Central time and while I was awake, I didn't notice - I was just seeing my wife out the door to go to work, I'd guess (like I said, I didn't notice the thing), but I guess that's one advantage to having a house built on deep bedrock. I went right back to sleep, and I don't know if my anxiety-attack cats really noticed.

But we just had a pretty solid aftershock, and my office shook like jell-o on a woofer for about 10 seconds.

I'm one of the mandarin oranges, for the record.

All in all...weird.

Newspeak, Volume 2

I have at times been known to speak chat in the real world - I'll slip "IMHO" into a conversation, for example, or "lawl." It confuses my fuddyduddy parents to no end, but oddly enough some of my coworkers understand how much I am made of win (or pwn, depending on the situation), and...well, they "get it." They're mostly in their 20s, part of a new breed as it were, and...

Well, nuts. I'm rambling.

At any rate, Kirsten hates it when I do that, although I've recently caught her slipping an "IMO" into the conversation, too.

She needn't worry. It's a perfectly cromulent form of expression now.

It's Spring Again!

Major League Baseball has officially returned (sorry, Sawx fans, I don't consider that 2-game jaunt to Japan to be "official"), and that can mean only one thing: it's time for me to post some more disjointed thoughts on a theme.

It's like Brian's brain a la mode.

Anyway, is there a more unhandsome baseball player than Cardinals rookie Brian Barton? The guy has a huge nose. He looks like a happy yokel.

Cesar Izturis is a speedy mofo. Dude's got legs like rockets. Except they don't have fuel in them. Probably. And they're also (probably) not metal. But other than that, they're like a rocket.

The Cardinals decision to pick up Troy Glaus when Scott Rolen made it clear he wanted to leave was about as intelligent as trying to catch a bowling ball flung out of a trebuchet. The only difference is that Glaus won't grant anyone the sweet release of death - just frequent throwing errors.

Kirsten is still fascinated by Rick Ankiel. She says he looks "chiseled." Jack Palance was chiseled. Rick Ankiel is just undeniably handsome. But I'd never call him "chiseled."

Mike Shannon always sounds drunk. Did he suffer a stroke, or is he just always drunk?