Dr. Rey is in the Cereal Aisle

So Kirsten and I found a great recipe for a scallop salad this afternoon, and I went to Whole Foods to buy the ingredients we didn't own - tarragon, grapefruit, and field greens. The scallops were from CostCo, for those wondering.

And when I got in I was absolutely astounded. When did the organic granola crowd in the midwest start including such incredibly stunning women? Don't count Natalie Portman (she's from Jerusalem) or Pam Anderson (she's not fully human anymore). I cannot recall the last time I saw such pretty people shopping at a place that sells guaranteed grass-fed Limburger cheese.

Sub-point: It is illegal to make Limburger cheese in Wisconsin without a master cheesemaker certification (nearly word-for-word from Wikipedia). I have no idea why, although the odor of dead thing might be partly responsible for this rule.

As a corollary to the ability of organic foods to attract pretty women, I noticed that the store was jam-packed with people. It was actually tough to move around without elbowing some poor old granny (I failed). I'm wondering if those two things are connected. Pretty girls start shopping at this place, and creepy guys like me hear about it. So they shop there too, to spend an extra 15 minutes within 100 yards of attractive women.

Me, though? I was just there for the herbs. I swear.

Support Our Toorps

Some of you may have seen this already, but for those who haven't - it's a report compiled on 8 test meals-ready-to-eat (MREs) which are basically crap in a bag. Our military feeds that crap to soldiers at times when they can't find a chow hall (like, say, when you're stuck in the sand and are craving spaghetti).

This review requested that soldiers comment on the meals. And they did. Here are some of the classsics:
"Again, I would love to heat my coffee but, lack the heat (and beverage bag) to do so, I therefore , ate the classic coffee dry and nearly died doing so."
"The cabbage tasted like unspiced marinara."
"Pound cake tastes like cheap perfume."
"1. There was no beverage bag 2. I am not full."
"Beverage bag. Want a." (Apparently Yoda signed on recently)
"I believe it was the dinner meal that caused this (chicken and dumplings) but, it sounded like a flatulence sympony in my tent all night."
"Jambalaya and chuck need to be friends."
"Put ranch dressing on everything!" (This young man is from the south, I just know it).
"Not enough food."
"Not enough food."
"Meal could use a side dish - not enough." (You can see that this was repeated frequently - do planners not understand that a guy running around with 60 pounds of battle rattle and a big freaking gun might be hungry at the end of the day?)
"You must always have spread for the crackers if not anger is the result."
"Need hot beverage bag."
"Why is there coffee & no hot beverage bag? Most people like coffee hot."
"No beverage bag. It needs one." (again, a frequently repeated complaint. Apparently the military was kind enough to include tea and coffee, but no way to heat it and no container to mix it in).
"The vanilla pudding was so good that I ripped it open. Licked the inside and rolled around on top of it like a dog." (The pudding was a huge hit in every meal, when it was included).
"I ate the tea dry."
"Maybe the name 'Chicken loaf' scares me."
"Oh my God what were you thinking! Why stuffed cabbage wow it was horrible I wanted to die....even POW's deserve better."
"This was a rough meal. Don't make it look like flat poop."
"The name should be fiesta breakfast party. That would be funny."
"Did not get to try. Meal got taken."
"The granola mix was fucking out standing....the enchilada was a gift that keeps on given, OK taste, heartburn, indigestion & large amounts of gas."

Flavors that Don't Go Together

Orange starburst and stale coffee.

Blast From the Past

So, last night Kirsten and I went to the Cardinals-Padres game (the fourth game of the series) and watched Rick Ankiel play major-league baseball.

I know!

Honestly, the guy is a real feel-good story. He comes up in 2000 as a can't-miss pitching prospect and rookie-of-the-year candidate, then throws 5 wild pitches in one inning against the Mets in his first postseason game.

Then he goes down to the minors and breaks his leg, or his wrist, or his skull, or all three. I don't recall. But there was surgery involved.

This year he's in class-AAA minor-league ball as an outfielder, leading his league with 32 homers and 89 RBIs, and gets called up to replace apparent drug addict Scott Spezio.

Godspeed, Speeez.

So they announce Ankiel on the stadium PA system right before the game, and the dude gets a standing ovation. And again when he comes up to bat (infield fly). And a round of seated applause when he makes a catch in the outfield. I got the feeling that Cardinals fans all really like the ending of Titanic too. It's the same story. Leonardo (Rick) has a girl (team) fall in love with him (him). Then he dies (blows it in his first playoff start). Then the girl dies (team sucks), and he shows up to lead her to a happy afterlife (possibility of a .500 season). It's the same story, just with different outfits. And fewer nice-looking boobies. Oh, Kate Winslet, why did you take out that restraining order?

When Ankiel hit a home run (did it with the chick in the Model T) in the 7th inning, his first since 2000, I honestly believed that the stadium was going to collapse. I haven't seen a curtain call since Larry Walker hit a grand slam in a game in 2005, and the standing O when Ankiel went out to his position in the top of the 8th wound up leading to a four-times-around-the-stadium wave by the fans.

It's a great story, and in addition to being a real warm fuzzy moment, gives me an opportunity to update my blog. Everybody wins.

Useless Filler

Flying Lemurs are not lemurs, and cannot fly. Sez So Right Here