Sick

God damned flu. It's not even flu season, and here I am dying. I wonder if'n I got the bird flu.
CLE
CIN
DAL
DET
OAK
NYG
JAX
CAR
KC
NO
TB
DEN
NE
PIT

Well, Duh.

You scored as Lust. Lust 81% Sloth 69% Pride 50% Greed 44% Wrath 31% Envy 25% Gluttony 25% Seven deadly sins created with QuizFarm.com

You Missed! How Could You Miss? He Was Three Feet in Front of You!

Man tries to kill cow, wounds passerby

Come on, seriously. It's a cow. It weighs 1,000 pounds. It's big and splotchy and probably friendly. You're in a shed, with the cow, and you have a rifle. And you MISS?!?

What a maroon.

As if We Didn't Know

Cheryl Swopes is gay

I'm surprised it's taken as long as it has for a WBNA star to come out.

Whoops!

Chris, Lucas, and I have obviously been failing to track our NFL Picks for the last two weeks.

Here's a quick rundown:
Week 7:
Chris 7-7
Lucas 4-10 (Counting his nonpick for the Chiefs/Dolphins game as a loss since it wasn't really a pick at all)
Brian 9-5

Week 6:
Chris 11-3 (!!)
Lucas 13-1 (!!!!!)
Brian 7-7 (???)

Week 7 Picks

Well, because of Hurricane Wilma, the Chiefs-Dolphins game has been moved up a skosh (to tonight). Here in St. Louis, Thunderstorm Entwerp has forced me to move my picks up as well.

Kansas City at Miami: The Dolphins defense is beset by injuries. KC
Detroit at Cleveland: Is there some way we can get Detroit and Baltimore sent down to AA ball? CLE
Green Bay at Minnesota: Boy, did I overestimate the Vikings last week. I won't make that mistake again anytime soon. GB
Indianapolis at Houston: Rumors are flying that Dom Capers is going to be getting more involved in the defense. Shouldn't he be more worried about his team's offense being as bad as it is? IND
New Orleans at St. Louis: Bruce is out, Holt is hurt, Bulger is out, Faulk is old, and the Rams are hanging their hopes on Jamie Martin. NO
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati: It's hard for me to do this as a Bengals fan, but I believe the Steelers are just a better team. Cincinnati's awful run defense can't be covered up in a game against Fast Willie Parker and the Bus. PIT
San Diego at Philadelphia: I have no idea why I'm picking the Eagles. Maybe it's just a hunch. PHI
San Francisco at Washington: Tim Rattay, last year's starting quarterback, was just traded to Tampa for a box of Cracker Jacks. WAS
Dallas at Seattle: Kirsten has a hard time getting excited about either team. I picked Seattle, she picked "enh." SEA
Baltimore at Chicago: Chicago should be sent down to the freaking rookie leagues. BAL
Buffalo at Oakland: The Bills are the 7th-worst team in the league in terms of giving up sacks. Losman and Bledsoe weren't the problem, the OL was, and still is. OAK
Denver at N.Y. Giants: According to ESPN's John Clayton, Tom Coughlin is furious about his team's loss last week to Dallas. It's not like that's news - Coughlin was furious the last time he broke wind. DEN
Tennessee at Arizona: This pick is based solely on the teams' defensive rankings. Arizona is slightly less crappy. ARI
N.Y. Jets at Atlanta: Even Vinny can't save his team from another tough road loss. ATL


ATL

Random Link of the Day

In keeping with those Random Thoughts websites ("14. Cats can't taste sweet"), I decided I'd provite my loyal reader(s) with a wee bit of randomness to spice up their day.
Clickme, bitches.

Well, that's weird.

You know who I was just thinking about?

Ranji. RA Ranji.

Wonder why? Hmm.

Truth of the Day

Riding a moped doesn't make you uncool. Riding a moped with a leather jacket and full-face helmet does.

With that out of the way, here are this week's picks...
Atlanta at New Orleans: Matt Schaub may not get the start, because Michael Vick is healthy, but neither one would make the difference to a New Orleans team looking to rebuild its pride after a drubbing last week, and playing in San Antonio in front of their "real" home crowd. NO
Carolina at Detroit: Joey Harrington, Matt Millen, whatever. The whole team is in shambles. CAR
Cincinnati at Tennessee: Don't let McNair's "Questionable" status fool you. He's been beaten, dinged, smashed, smooshed, crumpled, squashed, broken, and bruised since the franchise moved from Houston. But I think the Bengals can still beat them. CIN
Cleveland at Baltimore: Look! A slow-moving offensively-inept train wreck! CLE
Jacksonville at Pittsburgh: The Bengals gave away the game against the Jags last week. Bill Cowher won't let his guys do the same thing. PIT
Miami at Tampa Bay: Now this is a tough one. Tampa Bay, let's not forget, is showing a bit of a resurgence (and I have Michael Pittman on my fantasy team). On the opposite sideline, Ricky Williams should be back in the swing of things by now. Tough call, but I gotta go with TB.
Minnesota at Chicago: Now, you could say the sex party would be a distraction. But how bad could a distraction be when you're preparing for the Bears? MIN
New York Giants at Dallas: Keyshawn and Bledsoe had a bit of a tiff last week, but whether or not they make up, the fun-to-watch Giants are not a team they want to face right now. NYG
Washington at Kansas City: Anyone else remember when Joe Gibbs had those hugeass eyeglasses that obscured half of his head? I sure do. KC
New England at Denver: Remember how the Cowboys didn't want to face the Giants this week? The Broncos...well, they're a team the Patriots should be OK playing. It'll be close, but the Pats win. NE
New York Jets at Buffalo: Coin flip. NYJ
San Diego at Oakland: To think these teams used to be bitter enemies. It'll be another year before that comes back. SD
Houston at Seattle: Do you think Dom Capers already has an "I've been fired" dirge picked out? SEA
Saint Louis at Indianapolis: Mike Martz isn't calling plays this week, which should be worth an extra two touchdowns. But the Colts' defense is something else this year. IND

Finally, a Bidwell Who Doesn't Need Public Money

Most of us remember when the St. Louis football Cardinals, the Big Red, left Saint Louis for Phoenix after the city turned down their demands for a new stadium. "We need a new stadium to stay competitive!" they cried. "Those Bidwells," the St. Louis populace said, "are just trying to blackmail us."

They moved to Phoenix in 1988, and of course we all know that they've been clamoring for a new stadium ever since (they're getting one now, of course, after playing for 18 years in perfectly-good Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe).

One of the Bidwells, Charles III, stayed here in St. Louis, and became president of a new riverboat casino called the Casino Queen. It's actually in East St. Louis, but it's right across the river, and they have a bus from the St. Louis side, so call it STL and be done with it.

Anyway, the news is that the Casino Queen is going to be sold and a new one built in a pond ("Boats on Moats" are legal in Illinois as long as the moat is within 1000 feet of an actual river. I guess the thinking is that if the river floods, the casino has the potential of becoming a riverboat).

"We need a new building to be competitive," Bidwell is crying. "We can't get the business of St. Louisians without a new facility!"

But here's the thing - the company that employs Bidwell is actually paying for the new boat and pond.

What a nice change of pace. I wonder where Chuck 3 is on Bill Bidwell's ownership transfer plan...

(story here)

NFL Picks, Week 5

Well, my fantasy football season is down the crapper by week four again (I am not any good at the draft, apparently, as half of my team is now waiver-wire pickups). So the remaining place I can hope to win something football-related is here. Godspeed, picks.

Baltimore at Detroit: Charles Rogers was suspended by the NFL for violating the NFL's drug policy. Four games he'll sit out, and four games Joey Harrington is going to have to try to be a bad QB with one less lazy jackass wide reciever. BAL
Chicago at Cleveland: Chicago is like Detroit, except they don't even have high-draft-pick wide receivers to take the blame. No, the Bears, like my fantasy team, hang their hopes on Kyle Orton. CLE
Miami at Buffalo: Kelly Holcomb? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MIA
Tampa Bay at New York Jets: Vinny Testaverde? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! TB
Indianapolis at San Francisco: Alex Smith? HAHA...well, you get the idea. IND
New England at Atlanta: This is one of the tougher games to call all season. People like to point out that Michael/Mike Vick is really just a running back who takes a lot of option passes, but when he got hurt a couple of weeks ago and had to stand up and play like a real QB, he did pretty well. I don't think this qualifies as an upset anymore. ATL
New Orleans at Green Bay: It's cold in Green Bay tomorrow. In the 50s, anyway, and I can guarantee the Saints aren't used to that temperature yet, even with all of their recent globe-trotting. GB
Seattle at Saint Louis: When can you count on a Rams' victory? And when can you count on a Seattle loss? Trick question - it's when the Rams and Seahawks play each other. STL
Tennessee at Houston: I really used to have a lot of respect for Dom Capers. But anyone who would let his offensive line stay so bad for so long in front of a young quarterback like David Carr deserves to be drug into the street and beaten. TEN
Carolina at Arizona: Was it really just last week that the Cardinals beat the 49ers in front of the single-largest crowd ever to see a regular-season NFL game? It's lucky for Carolina that they've had an extra few hours off over the Cards, but I still have a hard time picking them. ARI
Philadelphia at Dallas: Quincy Carter really WAS their best quarterback in the Parcells era. Freaky. PHI
Washington at Denver: There is no reason the Redskins should be three and oh. None. They've won their games by a combined six points (one point, two points, and three points, in that order). I don't care if Mark Brunell really IS better than last year, I can't pick against Denver at home. DEN
Cincinnati at Jacksonville: I've been prattling on and on about how Byron Leftwich is, if nothing else, the sturdiest QB in the league. But his team is banged up, and so is he. CIN
Pittsburgh at San Diego: Well, Ben Roethlisberger has lost his first game as a quarterback in the NFL. I'd say that he had a good run. Sort of like DiMaggio had a good run. And remember what happened after that 56-game hit streak...PIT

What's Wrong with Jamal Lewis?

Two years ago, Jamal Lewis rushed for 2066 yards, third most in NFL history, with an eye-popping 5.3 yards per carry.

Then came that whole cocaine thing. Not only did it tarnish his rep, but it also forced Lewis to accept a four-game suspension for violating the NFL's controlled substances policy during the middle of the 2004 season. And, of course, it sent him to jail - four months in prison, and two months in a halfway house.

Today, Lewis is averaging under 2.5 yards a carry. That's less than half the number of yards per touch he got in his 2003 season, and it's under the NFL standard for running backs, which is around 3.1 YPC.

Now, one could make the argument that Lewis got fat and lazy during his time in state-issued jumpsuits. But when Lewis was in the halfway house, he worked out 12 hours a day. I don't think size and strength are his problems.

Really, I think the problem rests with the offensive line in Baltimore. The offense has given up 9 sacks this season, which puts them in the bottom 12 in the league. Football Outsiders, when ranking the lines, ranks the O-Line as being the worst in the league in adjusted run blocking (which cuts off all runs above a certain yardage, since beyond a point, staying upright is up to the running back and not the offensive line). They're ranked highly in Power Running, which is the FO stat for runs of 2 yards or less that obtained a first down or a touchdown (ranking: 4 in the NFL).

Jamal Lewis is a power runner, so he and his line are good at his game. The O-Line isn't making downfield blocks, which is what makes a power runner into a rushing title winner. In terms of "Stuffed" Runs, (runs on first down that resulted in zero or fewer yards, or runs on 2nd-4th down that got less than 1/4 of needed yards), Baltimore ranks 26th, at 33% (league average is 25%).

In terms of passing, Baltimore is pretty bad, too. They rank 25th in Adjusted Sack Rate (Sacks allowed per hundred pass attempts, corrected for opponents' defensive quality). They're at 8.3 percent. While better than Houston (22%), they're still not very good.

And just watching the games will show you that star lineman Jonathan Ogden is hurt and old, and the rest of the guys on that line are just sub-par. Baltimore is not a threat this season, unless the offensive line really starts to put together a half-way decent season, and soon. As it is now, though, that team should scare opponents less than a feather pillow.

NFL Picks, Week 4

It's been a long weekend for me, because I had to take a three-day class for my Masters program - Thursday night, all day Friday and Saturday. I don't think I'm a big fan of those classes any more.

Anyway, that means I don't really have the time to post the reasons behind any particular win I'm listing, so we'll just have to read my post as if it were some religious document. It's there, so it must be true.


Cincinnati
JAX
NE
NO
STL
TB
IND
WAS
NYJ
PHI
ATL
DAL
SFO
CAR (end of Mike Sherman era?)

By the way, Kirsten decided last weekend that if she was going to be forced to watch football on sundays, she'd try to predict the winners too.

And she did as well as I did. Blaarrrghgghh.