NFL Picks, Week 5

Well, my fantasy football season is down the crapper by week four again (I am not any good at the draft, apparently, as half of my team is now waiver-wire pickups). So the remaining place I can hope to win something football-related is here. Godspeed, picks.

Baltimore at Detroit: Charles Rogers was suspended by the NFL for violating the NFL's drug policy. Four games he'll sit out, and four games Joey Harrington is going to have to try to be a bad QB with one less lazy jackass wide reciever. BAL
Chicago at Cleveland: Chicago is like Detroit, except they don't even have high-draft-pick wide receivers to take the blame. No, the Bears, like my fantasy team, hang their hopes on Kyle Orton. CLE
Miami at Buffalo: Kelly Holcomb? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MIA
Tampa Bay at New York Jets: Vinny Testaverde? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! TB
Indianapolis at San Francisco: Alex Smith? HAHA...well, you get the idea. IND
New England at Atlanta: This is one of the tougher games to call all season. People like to point out that Michael/Mike Vick is really just a running back who takes a lot of option passes, but when he got hurt a couple of weeks ago and had to stand up and play like a real QB, he did pretty well. I don't think this qualifies as an upset anymore. ATL
New Orleans at Green Bay: It's cold in Green Bay tomorrow. In the 50s, anyway, and I can guarantee the Saints aren't used to that temperature yet, even with all of their recent globe-trotting. GB
Seattle at Saint Louis: When can you count on a Rams' victory? And when can you count on a Seattle loss? Trick question - it's when the Rams and Seahawks play each other. STL
Tennessee at Houston: I really used to have a lot of respect for Dom Capers. But anyone who would let his offensive line stay so bad for so long in front of a young quarterback like David Carr deserves to be drug into the street and beaten. TEN
Carolina at Arizona: Was it really just last week that the Cardinals beat the 49ers in front of the single-largest crowd ever to see a regular-season NFL game? It's lucky for Carolina that they've had an extra few hours off over the Cards, but I still have a hard time picking them. ARI
Philadelphia at Dallas: Quincy Carter really WAS their best quarterback in the Parcells era. Freaky. PHI
Washington at Denver: There is no reason the Redskins should be three and oh. None. They've won their games by a combined six points (one point, two points, and three points, in that order). I don't care if Mark Brunell really IS better than last year, I can't pick against Denver at home. DEN
Cincinnati at Jacksonville: I've been prattling on and on about how Byron Leftwich is, if nothing else, the sturdiest QB in the league. But his team is banged up, and so is he. CIN
Pittsburgh at San Diego: Well, Ben Roethlisberger has lost his first game as a quarterback in the NFL. I'd say that he had a good run. Sort of like DiMaggio had a good run. And remember what happened after that 56-game hit streak...PIT