I Must be an Idiot, but Now I Want a Slice

So, this poor talk show host in Australia tries a joke out on His Holiness the Dalai Lama.


Firstly, why was the Dalai Lama, the holiest man in yellow-cap Buddhism, on the Australian version of Good Day LA? Secondly, why is the host not as good a sport as the guy getting made fun of?

Thirdly, was Bill Murray there to claim his eternal happiness?

For you nonvideo watchers, the actual version of the joke goes as such:
"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop, and asks the clerk, 'can you make me one with everything?' *beat*
The total is $15, and the Dalai Lama pays with a twenty. He asks for his change back, and the clerk responds, 'Change must come from within.'"

So, there's really two jokes there. Problem is, I only ever got the second one. It took me until about 30 seconds ago to get the "one with everything" line.

But, truthfully, the Australian TV version is much better. And because he apparently had a hard time with the whole concept of pizza, now I would like to issue an open invitation to His Holiness Tenzen Gyatso, the Forteenth Dalai Lama, to join me for a slice of Pi pizza (with his choice of toppings), at his leisure. Knowledge brings enlightenment, after all.

It's on the Internet, so surely he will see it.

Can We Even Pretend to be Surprised Anymore?

A few months ago, Albert Haynesworth had the misfortune to be correctly identified by the driver he punched in the face after a bit of bad driving by...well, by Mr. Haynesworth. I immediately found my high horse, got up on it, and wrote the following on my Facebook page:
"I have said it before and I will say it again: Washington Redskins, you asked for Albert Haynesworth, and you got Albert Haynesworth. Don't even pretend to be surprised."

Just a few months later, Haynesworth was charged with sexual abuse in Washington DC, a charge which he will answer to in July.

The Redskins got what they deserved with Haynesworth - after all, he's also the man who tore Andre Gurode's face off with his cleats during a game a few years ago.

On June 7th, Kenny Britt, currently of the Tennessee Titans, pled guilty to reduced charges stemming from a car chase in April of 2011 - that wasn't his first run-in with the constabulary, and as it turns out, wouldn't be his last.

The next day - the very next goddamn day - Britt was arrested for resisting arrest after a traffic stop.

Here's the thing: Guys like Haynesworth, and Britt, are good football players. Or at least, they could be. Neither has lived up to his expectations, though Britt has come closer in the last two years to being what people think he could be than the incredibly disappointing blimp that Albert Haynesworth has become. But both have had trouble with rules and the law before - again, Haynesworth was probably worse.

Here's my point: If you are an NFL GM and have a guy on your roster who's shown that he's a hothead, or an idiot, or is someone whom you simply cannot take nice places, you as a team have a responsibility to cut ties with the man. Maybe he'll grow up when he sees he has to live up to expectations, maybe he won't. Maybe he'll learn from being punished and seeing real results that arise from his actions, maybe he won't. But in both cases, it won't be your problem anymore.

Enough of the freaking reclamation projects.