And Yet I Still Watch It.

Just to be clear, Knight's Tale, with Heath Ledger, really is one of the worst movies of the last 10 years. It's got a strange plot, all sorts of references that were undoubtedly included in the script after buying the writers some Maui Wowee, and the acting is...well, it's sub-par.

But it's like a train wreck. Not in the "kills dozens of people in horrible and interesting manners" kind of way, but more in the "let's all stare at the disaster laid out for our enjoyment" kind of way.

The damndest thing, though, is that it's got these moments of brilliance. Sort of like me on a golf course - there are signs that yeah, this could be a good thing in the long run, then it reverts to taking 35 strokes to get out of one fairway bunker. But those moments of brilliance - it's like George Burns smiling down on me, that's how funny parts of this movie are.

By the way: rent Scoop, with Woody Allen and Scarlett Johannson. It's probably Woody's best comedy since Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask.

Never Trust a Guy Named Doug

There's been a bit of a storm around Curt Schilling recently, sort of like back in the 1980s. Anyway, this most recent dustup has centered around a hockey announcer who also does Orioles play-by-play, a dude by the name of Gary Thorne.

Just a side note: Joe Dirt tried to add an "e" to the end of his name to make it sound French. I have since been turned off to trailing "e"s.

Anyway, Thorne (on the air, no less) was talking about Curt Schilling's bloody sock from the 2004 ALCS Game 6, when Schilling had his ankle tendons sutured to his skin to be able to pitch. The Red Sox, partly behind Schilling's performance, beat the Yankees in that game to set up Game 7, which they won to advance to the World Series. Schilling also pitched in Game 2 of the World Series, with a bloody sock, and which the Red Sox also won en route to a four-game sweep of the Cardinals.

This announcer, Thorne, suggested that the blood was fake. Doug Mirabelli, a Boston Red Sox catcher at the time, told him so (or so he claimed). Schilling has reacted angrily, as he used to before he found Jesus.

Side note: finding Jesus does not mean you have to stop being an asshole. I really do miss old, violent Curt Schilling.

Back to the story: Schilling has announced a $1-million prize to a charity of Thorne's choice if he can prove that the sock was not bloodied so much as painted or otherwise doctored. The Game 6 sock itself is in the baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, so if anyone really cared, they could just do a quick touch up with luminol to see if it glows under black light - if it does, it's blood (or semen, which is admittedly less likely).

Bets, or even the facts, aside, the real key is this: Curt Schilling won Game Six of the 2004 ALCS with an ankle that had been surgically reinforced, though not repaired, just a few days before. And he and the Red Sox won that game because Schilling and his sock had gotten inside the heads of New York Yankees players.

If Schilling's blood was real, he got inside the Yankees' heads with his toughness.

If Schilling's blood was fake, he got inside the Yankees' heads because he's smarter than they are.

Either way, he was inside their heads and the Red Sox won. And that's the bottom line.

A Post About Nothing

I used to believe that The Simpsons can be related to just about anything. Be it inclement weather or satellite photography, The Simpsons has a wisecrack or moment for just about everything life can throw at you.

Seinfeld, really, is the same way. "Do you remember when..." is a frequent opener for Seinfeld questions. And it very often gets a response along the lines of "You mean how..."

Anyway, I bring this up because I got a call back today from someone whom I'd called for work, and he told me off the bat that when I left messages, I sounded like the guy from Moviefone.

I Have a Hard Time Feeling Sorry for Them

About 100 seal-hunting boats (not 100 hunters, but 100 boats with multiple men per boat)are stranded in sea ice around Newfoundland, news reports say. The Canadian Coast Guard is giving it the old college try to try to save them (the crew, not the boats).

Thing is, though, I have a hard time really rooting for the Coast Guard on this one. First off, seal hunting doesn't provide any real benefit to anyone. Nobody that I know of eats seal meat on a regular basis - or at least, not anyone who is a career fisherman. And seal fur can be pretty easily replaced with puppy fur. Puppies are just as cute as seals, their fur is just as soft, and you don't have to sail to the frozen north to club one to death.

Factory farming of cows is one thing - people eat cows. Lots of people. Same with North Banks cod and alaskan crabs. But what good are seals to the world's economy?

I do hope all of the crews survive. But I also hope their boats slide into the depths of the ocean and that the guys who are doing this for a living reconsider their employment options.

Yeah, Like the Odds were Against It

It's official, ladies and gentlemen. John McCain has officially flipped his shit. "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran," he says.



A transcript of the question a man asked, and John McCain's response:
Man in Audience: "It's well-documented that we have, for quite a long time now, known where the real problem is in the Middle East, and in fact the President accurately described it as the 'Axis of Evil.' I guess my question is, how many times do we have to prove to these people that're blowing up people now, nevermind if they get a nuclear weapon, when do we send'em an air-mail message to Tehran?"
[Applause, cheering from crowd]
McCain: "You know that, that old Beach Boys song, 'Bomb Iran?' Bomb bomb bomb, bomb...[laughing]"
[Laughter from crowd]

That's right, folks. John McCain wants another war.

I shouldn't be surprised, as strident as McCain has been in his defense of the war in Iraq. But shouldn't we finish with one toy before we play with another?

Trying To Wear Bigger Shoes

I just stuck my blog on Technorati.com. I'm not entirely sure why or what good it will do, but there it is. You can check out technorati links in my sidebar. You know, if you want. And stuff.

In a more topical thread, I've been thinking about the real failure of emergency warning systems for campuses after the Virginia Tech massacre. See, here's the thing: VT police saw two bodies in a dorm room after shots were fired, and initially thought it was a domestic dispute, a murder-suicide. The problem is that in the case of a murder-suicide, there's usually one person left holding a weapon of some kind. They had two hours to search the scene and didn't find a gun (since there wasn't a gun there to find).

That means this was not a murder-suicide. There was a third person involved, and failure to notice the fact that there was no weapon, and then the subsequent failure to tell anyone, are both examples of bad police work. If the police on the scene had been thinking, they would have done their jobs right and realized there was a shooter still out there, possibly on campus.

So there was no warning to announce - when there finally was, Virginia Tech's loudspeakers blared out that there was an emergency on campus and that people should get inside. That's fine, and relatively effective.

But at Washington University, where I work, there is no such system that I'm aware of. I've never heard a voice over loudspeakers. There might be a system in place, but the most I've ever heard is the monthly test of the tornado sirens. I can't help but worry that Washington University's warning system is just silence that administrators hope will seem alarming.

I could be wrong, I hope I'm wrong, but I have to admit that I don't know.

Random Comic Links

The sad truth about F-Zero: click
The definition of insanity, Koopa-style: click

Pooping Barbie

Seriously, read this.

Remind me never to have kids.

Arts from Teh Interwebs

Click if you're a child of the 80s who's also a pokemon fan.

Awww, That's Adorable

Let's say you're writing a novel, and you think it's just great. But your cat, on the other hand, thinks the opposite. How is he going to keep the public from ever having to endure your latest literary pile of crap?

Like this.

The Cardinals are so Bad...

Audience: "How bad are they?"

They're so bad that they're the first defending World Series champions since the 1984 Orioles to start a season 0-3. But wait, there's more!

Audience: "Tell us more!"

They're the first team of World Series champs to start the season 0-3 and score 2 runs (or less) over those three games since 1914's Philadelphia Athletics. But wait, there's more!

Audience: "Tell us more!"

They're 52-65 since last May 25th. If that were extended over a whole season, they'd be 72-90. The Pittsburgh Pirates, who haven't had a winning season since 1992 (Barry Bonds's noodle arm kept them from winning the National League pennant that year), finished 67-95 last year, and were next-to-last in the division - the Cubs were 66-96, finishing last in the National League Central Division.

But wait, there's more!

Audience: "Jesus fucking Christ*! How much worse could it be?!?!"

The Pirates are 3-0 this season.

*Happy Easter

Language Master

Freaky Arnold Schwarzenegger commercial.

Just for the hell of it.