The Cardinals are so Bad...

Audience: "How bad are they?"

They're so bad that they're the first defending World Series champions since the 1984 Orioles to start a season 0-3. But wait, there's more!

Audience: "Tell us more!"

They're the first team of World Series champs to start the season 0-3 and score 2 runs (or less) over those three games since 1914's Philadelphia Athletics. But wait, there's more!

Audience: "Tell us more!"

They're 52-65 since last May 25th. If that were extended over a whole season, they'd be 72-90. The Pittsburgh Pirates, who haven't had a winning season since 1992 (Barry Bonds's noodle arm kept them from winning the National League pennant that year), finished 67-95 last year, and were next-to-last in the division - the Cubs were 66-96, finishing last in the National League Central Division.

But wait, there's more!

Audience: "Jesus fucking Christ*! How much worse could it be?!?!"

The Pirates are 3-0 this season.

*Happy Easter