NFL Picks, Week 8
Halloween party last night.

Headache today.

Damned Jagermeister.

Arizona at Buffalo - ARI
Baltimore at Philadelphia - PHI
Cincinnati at Tennessee - CIN (please?)
Detroit at Dallas - DET (turnovers!)
Green Bay at Washington - GB
Indianapolis at Kansas City - IND
Jacksonville at Houston - HOU (it's a toss-up)
N.Y. Giants at Minnesota - MIN
Atlanta at Denver - ATL
Carolina at Seattle - SEA
New England at Pittsburgh - BWAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAAAA! HAHAHA....ahhhh sigh....NE
Oakland at San Diego - SD
San Francisco at Chicago - CHI

Monday
Miami at N.Y. Jets - NYJ

Just Another Idiot
Well...it's not the destruction of downtown Boston, but I'll take it for the irony: Pedro Martinez was struck by a baseball thrown by a fan during the Charles River section of the Red Sox victory parade today.

I can read tomorrow's headlines across the nation now: "Beanball Master Beaned in Beantown."

According to FoxNews, the ball was thrown from the riverbank at the players, and pitcher Derek Lowe (Mr. Mental Stability if ever there was one, har har) attempted to grab the ball out of the air - but missed. The ball bounced off of Martinez's noggin and straight up, then splashed into the water.

Martinez, for his part, looked dazed.

Congratulations, Boston - you've assaulted your own star player. Next thing you know, Tom Brady's gonna get strangled by a crazed fan with a jockstrap.

Here's a Sports Illustrated story on the beaning.

Calling Frank Furter...Calling Frank Furter...
I think my girlfriend was actually born in New York in the 1940s, rather than Texas in 1982.

She still has problems coming to grips with the idea that the Dodgers play in Los Angeles.

Damn.
Well, the Curse of the Bambino has been broken.

There's not much to say about that, really, other than to acknowledge that the Boston Red Sox, through three games, discovered that while the regular season Yankees may have been, Pedro's Daddy, the Sox were the Redbirds' daddy. Congratulations.

It's worth noting, however, that I don't really expect Boston to exist tomorrow.

After they swept the Angels, the Red Sox Nation gently rioted in the Fenway and the Riverway areas. After coming back to defeat the Yankees a week ago, the Red Sox Nation attempted to scale the green monster, set fires, assaulted police officers, and tacitly participated in the death of an innocent bystander trapped in the traffic.

Can you imagine what they'll do tonight? I'm glad, as a sometimes Cardinals fan, that the Cards lost it in St. Louis. I don't have a lot of faith that many people would have been left surviving what would surely have become a nuclear wasteland if the Sox had beaten the Cardinals in Boston.

A side note: Anthony LaRussa, as a manager, now has a career World Series record of 5-13. It seems that he has a hard time getting his teams up for the big games.

Another side note: Scott Rolen, the most-of-the-season RBI leader in baseball, went 0 for 15 in the World Series. I'd wager a few bucks that the first note is the cause of the second note.

Again, Congratulations to the Red Sox. You've earned it. Now, if only Terry Francona would join the Giants' staff...

Geek joke of the day
Two hydrogen items are walking into a bar, when the first stops the second.
"I've lost my electron," he says.
"Are you sure?" asks the second.
"Yes, I'm positive."

(click here for a laugh track.)

St. Louis's Black Sunday
With the Cardinals and Rams both losing yesterday, it was bound to be overheard:
"It's a good thing the Blues are on strike, otherwise they would have lost last night, too."

Buck up, folks - the River City Rascals pick up again in May!

Damn.
So, Kirsten's laptop basically melted on Tuesday night. The darned thing wouldn't boot, wouldn't detect an O/S, and wouldn't detect its hard disk. So, you can guess where this is going.

Two hundred bucks and some change later, the laptop is currently having a new HD formatted and the operating system reinstalled. It's kind of lame, as far as I'm concerned, that laptop hard drives only last about 2 years. Makes me wonder why anyone would ever put anything on them, since they're basically worthless. As a matter of fact, why does anyone even buy a laptop at all? Damned things should last longer than that.

Oh, well.

At any rate, here are my NFL Picks for week 7. Still aiming for that perfect season. Just like this year's Dolphins.

It is worth noting that after this week, barring a tie in the New England-New York(AFC) tilt, there will only be two undefeated teams left in the league. Last year's last undefeated team lost in week 10.
-Atlanta at Kansas City - Michael Vick is a total terror. So is Kansas City's defense, so this is definitely a game worth watching. ATL
-Buffalo at Baltimore - First, Buffalo is founded. It's all been downhill from there, at least as far as this season is concerned. BAL
-Chicago at Tampa Bay - Lovie Smith has the Bears going in the right direction, and there is a good chance that Gruden was just in the right place at the right time in Oakland and his Super Bowl victory two years ago. Thing is, playing the Bears is always "the right place at the right time." TB
-Detroit at N.Y. Giants - Things it feels weird to say: "Ointment" and "The Giants are riding Kurt Warner's hot hand." NYG
-Jacksonville at Indianapolis - Byron Leftwich is hurt, Fred Taylor hasn't been injured this season (which means he's due)...on the flip side, the Colts have the worst pass defense in the league. I'm leaning their way, though. IND
-Philadelphia at Cleveland - This is the sort of game that makes me wish I had a sportsbook account. PHI
-San Diego at Carolina - Another hard-to-choose game. The Bolts are 3-3 this year, which really makes all my shots at Schottenheimer seem mean-spirited rather than just harsly accurate. Old habits die hard, though. CAR
-St. Louis at Miami - The Dream lives on. STL
-Tennessee at Minnesota - Tennessee is a lot worse than most people thought they'd be. The question, as always, is: "Was it the loss of Eddie George or the loss of Justin McCareins?" The world may never know. MIN
-N.Y. Jets at New England - Come on, people. If Boston wins two world championships after the same season, the world will collapse upon itself. NYJ (I guess this counts as an upset, even though both teams are undefeated.)
-Dallas at Green Bay - Dallas just isn't as good as they were last year. I think it's more the fact that people expect them to be good, and they can't sneak up on teams like they did last year. Plus, Brett Favre remains my starting fantasy quarterback. GB
-New Orleans at Oakland - Without Jerry Rice, I'm almost tempted to pick the Raiders to run the table. NO
-Seattle at Arizona - Now that they have Jerry Rice, I'm almost tempted to pick the Seahawks to run the table. SEA

-Denver at Cincinnati - Reason number 836 to rent "Gigli" on a Monday Night. DEN in a laugher.

What a stupid nickname
Is anyone else sick of Atlanta being called "Hotlanta" by every single bobblehead on TV sports and every single rap artist in America?

I get it. Atlanta is hot in terms of both temperature and in terms of social hipness. Seriously, just stop.

There should be a Hotlanta cap on TV or something. Say it twice, then no more until next week.

NFL Picks, week 6
I anticipate being busy this whole weekend, so I'm posting this bare-bones. No analysis, no formatting.


Carolina at Philadelphia - PHI
Cincinnati at Cleveland - CIN
Green Bay at Detroit - DET
Houston at Tennessee - TEN
Kansas City at Jacksonville - JAX
Miami at Buffalo - Tie. No, just kidding. MIA
San Diego at Atlanta - ATL
Seattle at New England - SEA
San Francisco at N.Y. Jets - NYJ
Washington at Chicago - Tough call. WAS
Denver at Oakland - DEN
Pittsburgh at Dallas - DAL
Minnesota at New Orleans - MIN

Monday-
Tampa Bay at St. Louis - STL

Now that's a Good Ad Agency
Budweiser really turned the world on its head in the late 90s with that "Whazzzaaaaaap!!!" commercial series, which was actually based on a short film by three guys from Philadelphia (the same ones in the commercials) called True. But A-B's ad agency seized upon the film, turned it into an ad set, and now half of the world is afraid to ask for wasabe.

Good times.

Bud's still harping on the "True" theme, starting with the Leon commercials from early last year. They became so commercial that any player on any team that fans thought was being a little too selfish became Leon - guys like Corey Dillon, for example.

And now they've roped in television personality Joe Buck, who's done a Leon commercial as well as that "Slam-a lam-a *gong* Ding Dong!" nonsense, which isn't so much nonsense as it is really catchy.

And just two nights ago, watching the Cards game, Fox (who holds Buck's contract) found some dude in the stands who had a sign reading exactly that (not "Fox," you knob, but "Slam-a la..." oh, you get the idea). Complete with the little baseball where the "O" is in "Dong."

Ladies and gentlemen, we have achieved cultural relevance.

Idiot fun time!
Poke The Penguin

Sports!
I know that Cal was really a bit of a favorite against number 1-ranked USC today, partly because they had beaten everybody else this year by at least 26 points, and partly because it was at the Golden Bears' home field.

But seriously - the way the Trojans have been playing, there was no reason to pick against them. Tack on to that the revenge factor and the fact that USC's quarterback Matt Leinart is really dreamy, and it should have been obvious to everyone.

That said, here are the other obvious picks this week - the NFL's week 5 kicks off tomorrow, bay-bee!

Cleveland at Pittsburgh - Cleveland jumped all over the Redskins last week, but that's only because they watched game tape well, and because they had a copy of Washington's playbook. Bill Cowher, right now, is better than Joe Gibbs. PIT
Detroit at Atlanta - Roy Williams is a great receiver, but the Lions' running game has sputtered since the year 2000, when Barry retired. And running the ball is half of the offense for everyone but Cincinnati. ATL
Miami at New England - Patriots? Meet the consecutive wins record. Record? Meet the Patriots. NE
Minnesota at Houston - The Houston Texans are riding their very first two-game winning streak. I say momentum carries them past the Vikes at home. HOU (Upset of the week!)
N.Y. Giants at Dallas - I'm picking this game based on one factor only: Turnovers. The Giants are +10, the Cowboys are -3. NYG
Oakland at Indianapolis - Remember when I said (just last week) that the Raiders weren't that bad a team? The Colts are going to make me look wrong this week. IND
Tampa Bay at New Orleans - Who cares? The Bucs are 0-4, and as long as Jim Haslett remains coach, the Saints are going to be a non-factor by December. I flipped a coin on this one. NO
Buffalo at N.Y. Jets - You know who I feel sorry for? Not the families of those killed by tragedy, not people who contract the Ebola Virus, but Drew Bledsoe. NYJ
Jacksonville at San Diego - OK, so the Jags aren't undefeated any more. But the Chargers aren't going to pull off two in a row. JAX
Arizona at San Francisco - Another chance to make Dennis Green look like a genius. The 49ers went 6 straight quarters without scoring a point, a drought that ended last week - and they're shooting for another one this week. It's good to have goals. ARI
Carolina at Denver - I was as surprised as anyone not named Arthur Blank that the Panthers didn't win last week, but the game did open my eyes to a lot of failings by the Panthers, especially in the defensive backfield. Ashley Lelie continues to make me look like a tool for calling him a perennial underachiever. DEN
St. Louis at Seattle - The Seahawks were undefeated at home last year. The Rams, on the road, weren't all that great. And the while the Seahawks haven't exactly owned the Rams, they're a better team playing at home. SEA
Baltimore at Washington - Speaking of Joe Gibbs - Jamal Lewis doesn't start his suspension until two weeks from now. BAL

Monday, Oct. 11
Tennessee at Green Bay - Chris refuses to pick Green Bay, I'm beginning to accept that the Titans really aren't that good this year. Looks like a dilemma to me. GB

Hooray! Happy-go-lucky post!
There is, apparently, a band out there by the name of Captain Tractor.

Doesn't that sound like a porn actor's name? He probably hung out with Dirk Diggler and shouted, "Here I come to plow the daaaaaaames!" on set.

I bet he wasn't much fun to work with.

Does Anyone Else Have a Problem With This?
Accordint to the Oakland Tribune, a newspaper which I can only presume is reputable, police officers in Oakland have been forced to stop doing DUI checkpoints in town recently. Normally, the public outcry surrounding these checkpoints surrounds probable cause arguments, illegal searches, the usual Fourth Amendment doo-dah.

It seems that the problem here, though, is that these DUI checkpoints were catching too many illegal aliens living and driving in the Oakland area.

Not too many to know what to do with, mind you. Actually, standard procedure for someone caught living illegally in the US is pretty simple: stick them in a car, bus, or plane, drop them at the first locality outside of the borders, and wave a pleasant good-bye. Really, it's not too difficult, and the more illegal residents from X country you have, the larger the bill to the charter bus company, payable by the Department of Homeland Security.

I don't consider this a problem, myself. I don't mind if my tax dollars go to exporting people who aren't willing to do paperwork.

Really, the problem lies with Oakland-area Hispanic leaders.

"These checkpoints make people's lives miserable, not make them safer," said Jesus Rodriguez of Oakland Community Organizations, which filed most of the complaints about the checkpoints. "I've watched while the police have towed away cars (full) of groceries, leaving children crying on the sidewalk."

I'll admit that it's a bit harsh to drop people off on the side of the road, but there's one thing that must be taken into account here:
The word illegal means, by default, that something is a violation of law. In addition to being illegally in this country in the first place, the folks who are the subject of this local-leadership commotion are driving without licenses (non-legal residents may not apply for drivers' licenses in California) and without insurance (no license means no insurance). The first case is a safety issue, the second is one of financial responsibility, and both affect every other driver on the road. Driving without either, in my mind, is exceedingly selfish and carries stiff penalties under the law.

There's always the possibility that these cars were towed away because that's the same that's done with every other car driven by an unlicensed, uninsured driver. Last I heard, anyway.

I can understand that the United States is the land of opportunity. Frankly, I wouldn't want to live in most Latin-American countries either. I'm generally in favor of opening the borders and ending immigration quotas.

But here's the thing: If you are in this country legally, you have done a lot of work. First, you came in and declared an intention to the INS to live and work in the United States on a permanent basis. You have applied for and been granted a green card, as well as been granted an Immigrant Visa number. You have applied for and been granted Permanent Resident Status. You pay taxes in to the federal and state welfare and social security programs, as well has have taxes deducted from your paycheck in the form of income tax withholdings.

In other words, you follow the law. You've done your part.

Alternatively, you could have just found a weak spot in the border patrol and found a friend or countryman who could show you the ropes and get you an under-the-table, low-paying job.

If I were in the shoes of any single legal immigrant from any country, I would be exceedingly insulted at the sway that illegal immigrants have over local and national politics. If I had gone through all of that trouble to become a legitimate immigrant and permanent resident, only to be drowned out by the whining of and associated with a group of people who, frankly, are just a little bit on the selfish and lazy side, I'd be pretty peeved. After all, I'm very often ashamed to be a United States citizen - this is something quite similar.

I could give a rat's ass about why someone is here. If they have broken the law, they should not stay. Come back when you're willing to do a little work and do things right. Whether the law is right or fair is immaterial - the law is the law. Take your groceries, take your kids, go back, and try again.

NFL Picks, week 4
Last week, I predicted that at some point this season, I'd pull out a 16-0 miracle in my weekly NFL picks. Unfortunately, it seems that that will be pretty much impossible for the next month and three quarters, since there are actually two teams on byes each week between now and week 10.

Oops.

But, beyond my own idiocy, is there any reason I can't go 14and 0?

Nope.

So here we go.

-Cincinnati at Pittsburgh From my preseason prediction post for the Bengals: "This is a game that will be lost by the defense - the new emphasis on the illegal contact rule, combined with Madieu Williams' inexperience, will open up the interior passing game for Tommy Maddox, who, despite being an insurance salesman, can still throw a football. I don't see the D-Line getting any better against the run, either, and Jerome Bettis still plays football up the gut." PIT
-Indianapolis at Jacksonville - Jacksonville is a team that survives on miracles, it seems. They have the worst offense in the league, and only the number 8 defense. I don't think it takes much imagination to see the Colts go buck-wild this week. IND
-New England at Buffalo - Winners of 17 straight, the '73 Dolphins, I mean '04 Patriots, are trying to tie the NFL record for consecutive wins set by the Dolphins of 1972-73. Against this team, it shouldn't be hard. NE
-N.Y. Giants at Green Bay - Green Bay's Pro Bowl center Mike Flanagan will have season-ending knee surgery next week, and won't play this week. That's going to make this one close, but I'm still picking the Pack at home. GB
-Oakland at Houston - Oakland, really, isn't all that bad a ball club. We can malign their age (average player age: XXXVII), but they continue to make plays when they have to. I just think the Texans are better. HOU
-Philadelphia at Chicago - Lovie Smith will, at some point, have the Bears contending for the playoffs in their futuristic stadium. But the Eagles prevent that from being this year in a blowout. PHI
-Washington at Cleveland - Both teams are pretty much lousy, so this is a hard call. The difference will come in the defense, where the Browns are still very, very weak, especially with Courtney Brown hurt again. Portis to the rescue! WAS
-Atlanta at Carolina - They just had their bye week, so it's easy to forget about the Panthers in what is really a pretty interesting NFC South. This is the matchup that could very well let us know which of these teams is going to take the division and represent it in the playoffs. Says here it's the Falcons, but they don't win this game. CAR
-New Orleans at Arizona - Chris Berman thinks that Larry Fitzgerald will carry the Cardinals to a victory at Sun Devil Stadium. I think Chris Berman spends too much time in Connecticut. We're all entitled to our own opinions, but his is obviously wrong. NO
-Denver at Tampa Bay - Unlike the Raiders, Tampa Bay really IS a bad team. This year, anyway. No defensive line, no offensive line, no wideouts, and no running back make Chucky a dull boy. DEN
-N.Y. Jets at Miami - I know that Miami does, in fact, have one of the league's best defenses, and that the Jets were off last week, so they might be rusty. But I'm giving the Jets the nod, due to Hurricane Hangover. NYJ
-Tennessee at San Diego - Seriously. Why does Marty Schottenheimer still have a job? Steve McNair's hurt, but Schottenheimer hasn't done anything to help his own cause, even with a lousy roster. TEN
-St. Louis at San Francisco - Last week, Dennis Erickson became the first San Francisco coach to be shut out in a game since 1977. I distinctly remember labeling him as the league's worst coach last year, and I think he deserves that label this year, too. This is a good game for the Rams to pick themselves up and dust themselves off. STL

Monday
Kansas City at Baltimore - NFL's leading rusher last year against last year's, and this year's, worst run defense. It ain't rocket science, people. BAL