...
According to Kirsten, Cowboys quarterback Vinny Testaverde has green testicles.

This is based on his name alone, she tells me.

Wish I'd paid more attention in astrophysics
The Drudge Report, an occasionally-reputable online rumor mill/news source, posted a pair of links to a story about a 4.5 km-long asteroid that's going to pass within a million miles of earth on Wednesday (at about 8:30 AM Eastern, or 2:30 AM Hawaii), just four times the distance between the moon and Earth. It's big enough to blot out the sun and wipe out all advanced life, or at least those who would starve. Those of us who've done nothing but can veggies our entire lives would probably be fine for a year or so.

Beyond the obvious downside of never being able to get to know any of the women on my list, there is one huge upside that everyone seems to miss:
Global Warming would cease to be a threat.

Good news for those of us who like freon. Tough nuts for those of you who freeze to death, but whatever. You can't win them all.

NFL Picks, week 3
It looks as though Hurricane Jeanne might force another early Miami game this week, meaning the Dolphins would play on Saturday instead of Sunday, as was originally scheduled.

In other news, nobody in Miami gives a rat's ass about the Dolphins right now. Funny how big circular storms with incredibly strong winds and nary a care in the world will do that to a sports franchise. Hmm.

On to the picks!

-Arizona @ Atlanta - This is a game where having another receiver to compliment Larry Fitzgerald would be a huge help for the Cardinals. Unfortunately, Vick is too good and the Cards are too bad, and the 3-0 (after this game) Falcons will prove they're for real, to everyone's surprise. ATL
-Baltimore @ Cincinnati - Marvin Lewis is .500 for his career as a head coach for the Bengals (9-9 over 1.125 seasons). Until now. BAL
-Philadelphia @ Detroit - The Lions are 2-0, another upstart team that, like the Falcons, is trying to prove its for-realness. It would have been better for them if they'd been playing the Browns or something. PHI
-Houston @ Kansas City - Another game that will result in Dick Vermeil crying. But then, he got beaten by King Koopa in Mario Kart last night and sobbed for hours, so nobody should be surprised. KC
-Pittsburgh @ Miami - So, Ben Roethlisberger is starting. And is anyone going to be surprised when he completely and totally implodes against a very good Miami defense? I mean, besides his parents? MIA
-Chicago @ Minnesota - After a HUGE win against the Packers last week, the Bears are riding high under first-year coach Lovie Smith. I think it'll be close, but I can't believe that Mike Tice will let his team fall apart like they did last week against a mostly-inferior Bears team. MIN
-Cleveland @ NY Giants - Hey look! Last year's QB Controversy HQ against THIS year's QB Controversy HQ! NYG
-New Orleans @ St. Louis - I know the Rams really aren't the team to beat anymore, and I know that the Saints are traditionally a decent team in the fall. Maybe it's emotional, but I really can't see the Saints coming to the TWA Dome to beat the Rams. STL
-Jacksonville @ Tennessee - Now THIS is a game that everyone should watch (unless your local team is playing at the same time, at which point you won't be allowed to watch it, per the NFL's TV contracts. Haha). Two teams, both with postseason aspirations, in the same division, at a loud and raucous stadium. Chris Brown continues to prove his mettle as a starting RB, even against a stout JAX defense. TEN
-San Diego @ Denver - Another week, another Martyball loss. Sometimes I wonder if maybe it wasn't the players that carried Kansas City in the early 90s, rather than the coaching staff. DEN
-Green Bay @ Indianapolis - This game, starring two teams with decent defenses and excellent offenses, is the kind of shootout that sells tickets. And really, the Colts have the worst current stadium in the NFL in terms of revenue generated, but damned if they don't have the best QB in the league. IND
-San francisco @ Seattle - Remember how the Rams aren't the team to beat anymore? The Seahawks have stolen that crown. And the Niners? They're the team to beat up on. SEA
-Tampa Bay @ Oakland - Just two years ago, this was the Super Bowl. Now we're just wondering if Warren Sapp is going to try to sneak into his old team's locker room and Mace the Buccaneers' jockstraps. Ah, parity. TB
-Dallas @ Washington - Even though this is the Monday night game, I have a hard time getting excited about it. I really should, since two years ago this would have been a huge NFC East matchup - but not so much any more. The loss of Mark Brunell is going to make this a tough game for the Redskins to win; Clinton Portis is good, but so is the Dallas defense. And Patrick Ramsey is...well, he's shellshocked. DAL

Last week was a bad week, I'll admit it. But never fear, Brian will reap the 16-0 week sometime very soon...yes....excellent...

Poorly-Named Person of the Week
World Anti-Doping Association chairman Dick Pound.

TMQ-like Stat of the Week
The Jacksonville Jaguars, owners of perhaps the greatest three-letter team abbreviation in the NFL†, have one sack on defense. The New York Jets, San Diego Chargers, New Orleans Saints, Kansas City Chiefs, Arizona Cardinals, and Chicago Bears all have two sacks as a team.

The following players have more sacks than those teams:
James Hall, Willie McGinest, Kenard Lang, Julian Peterson, Tyler Brayton, and Grant Wistrom.

†JAX

NFL Picks, week 2
Random fact for football fans out there: Using the phrase "super bowl" as part of a marketing campaign or in any activity involving the transaction of money, without the NFL's written consent, is a violation of federal law.

Thankfully, I don't have to worry about that for another 19 weeks!

-Carolina at Kansas City - Arrowhead stadium is tough to play in, and I still don't have a lot of respect for the Panthers (especially with Davis out). KC
-Chicago at Green Bay - These are not your father's Bears. They have no running game, no defense, and oh yeah, their quarterback is definitely NOT flamboyant enough to carry them. GB
-Denver at Jacksonville - I'd like to say that last week's game against the Chiefs was an aberration for the Broncos, but it wasn't. I'm impressed by Jacksonville, though, and I think this'll be a close one. DEN
-Houston at Detroit - This is another game that's going to be hard to get excited about. I know Roy Williams is good, but I really think that David Carr and co. are just a little better. Another close one. HOU
-Indianapolis at Tennessee - I can't believe some bookies have the Colts listed as underdogs for this game. Their offense is just too superior to the Titans' defense. IND
-Pittsburgh at Baltimore - Originally, I thought Baltimore would beat the Steelers, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how little the Ravens actually have on offense. PIT
-San Francisco at New Orleans - Two perennially underachieving coaches go head-to-head in a game that will define the 49ers' season, but not the Saints. Why? Because the Saints suck, but the niners are worse. NO
-St. Louis at Atlanta - Another game where the bookies have the odds all wrong. The Falcons showed a lot of promise last week, but they still struggled against a San Francisco team that really isn't expected to do much. STL
-Washington at N.Y. Giants - Kurt Warner will, I presume, remain the starter for this Giants team, which really isn't all that bad a decision. I think he's still better than Eli Manning. The problem is that Joe Gibbs is a much better coach than Tom Couglin (overrated, maybe?) and has better personnel on BOTH sides of the ball. WAS
-Seattle at Tampa Bay - Is it possible that Jon Gruden merely got himself into the right place at the right time with two different franchises? No matter. Seattle wins two road games in a row for the first time this century. SEA
-Buffalo at Oakland - It's going to take a long time for Norv Turner to dig himself out of the whole that Bill Callahan dug for him last year. Meanwhile, the best QB on the team remains the third-stringer (Tuiasapopo). Drew Bledsoe makes amends for last week. BUF
-Cleveland at Dallas - Can anyone believe that the Browns beat Baltimore last week? It's like I'm stuck in some horrible dream. DAL
-New England at Arizona - Dennis Green is another good coach on the west coast who's gotten himself into a rough situation. This time, unlike the Raiders, it's a management problem. He's got some good players, but it'll be another year before he can beat the Patriots. NE
-N.Y. Jets at San Diego - Nobody thought that this would become a game hyped over its running backs. Curtis Martin showed against the Bengals that he's still got some rubber on his tires, and the Jets defense will remind Marty Schottenheimer that sometimes, it's best to keep your offensive line, rather than cut 8 out of 11 OLs from one year to the next. NYJ
-Miami at Cincinnati - Patrick Surtain isn't 100%, the Dolphins have no offensive line, no running game, and no quarterback. This will be the perfect opportunity for the Bengals D to rebuilt its injured ego. CIN
-Minnesota at Philadelphia - In a pass-wacky spectacular, two good QBs who happen to be able to run pretty well (and, oh yeah, were drafted in the same class) will face off bringing two very good wide receivers with them as well (not from the same draft). It's going to be a passfest, and the Vikings have a huge advantage in that regard. MIN

Hmm...that's a good question
At a rally for President Bush yesterday in New Jersey, a local woman wearing an opposition-viewpoint T-shirt heckled First Lady Laura Bush, screaming questions at her before being removed by police. The woman, Sue Niederer, wore a shirt that read "President Bush You Killed My Son."

Supporters of the President attempted to drown her out with repetitive, and unoriginal, chants of "Four more years!"

That's not really the point of this post...but this is:

Outside, Ms. Niederer asked the question, "The senators, the legislators, the congressmen, why aren't their children serving?" which she had originally intended to put to Mrs. Bush.

Ms. Niederer, though her methods were coarse, raises an good point. There are 1.4 million people serving in active-duty roles in the Army, Navy, Coast Guard, Marines, and Air Force. There are another 1.1 million folks who wear fatigues in the Reserves or National Guard.

That makes 2.5 million total, or a little less than 1% of the total US Population. The US has a total of about 180 million people of potential military age (between 18, when you can join, and 65, when you really ought to consider leaving the service). So, 2.5 million out of 180 million is 1.38 percent.

So let's look at the US House of Reperesentatives and US Senate. There are 535 members of Congress. If each member of Congress has the average number of children (about 2.5), then that means the total potential population of service-age persons who are children of Congressmen is a little more than 1330. (Members times avg. number of kids in a household. This is assuming that the number of children per household has been the same over the last 50-some years, when the current members of the US Congress began to have children. In fact, it's been shrinking steadily since the 1960s, so the actual potential population of service-age offspring of Congressmen is undoubtedly higher, and likely closer to 1500).

So, 1330 potential soldiers. If we assume that 1.38 of every 100 US Citizens of service age actually DO serve, then we should see that there should be 18 little Congressional spawn running around shooting at terrorists and insurgents.

And yet...we don't. In fact, there is only one US Senator or Representative who has a child in the military; Senator Tim Johnson (D-SD) has a son in Iraq.

That's right: not one single Republican member of Congress has a child in the military.

Neither does any member of the Cabinet.

Generally, the Republican Party is a party that espouses military service as a good thing, and I generally won't argue. It's nice to have a group of brave men and women who are willing to throw themselves into the fire to protect the United States from enemies at home and abroad when they're told to do so. But, if that's so, shouldn't they encourage military service by their own children as well? Shouldn't they say things like, "Boy (or girl), I served with pride in the Mekong Delta/National Guard/Gulf of Mexico protecting this country from Communists/floodwaters/drug cartels. If you want to do the same, I'd be very proud of you," or something like that? It seems logical.

I don't like to accuse anyone of hypocrisy, especially if they're an elected official and theoretically doing what they think is best for this country. And yet, there it is. If you're going to call those who don't serve "cowards," as many current US Congressmen have done (especially Republicans and Democrats like Zell Miller), maybe you should actively encourage military service in your family.

I don't know if it's hypocrisy, favoritism, or what, but as Gil Grissom so eloquently puts it, "the evidence never lies."

Word of the Day
Pulled from a Bengals message board:

"Asshat."

That's a good one. I happen to like "Assmonkey" and "whorebag" as well.

The More You Know *star*
I was listening to the radio this morning, to a group of jokers called Bob and Tom (a syndicated morning show based in Indianapolis), and one of the hosts asked why a false lead is often called a "Red Herring."

That's an interesting question, and it has nothing to do with the TV show A Pup Named Scooby-Doo, save that there was a character named Red Herring who would always get accused by Fred of being the culprit of whatever crime they were investigating, though he was never guilty. Poor Fred. So misguided.

By the way: Daphne? Hot.

Back on-topic, I did a little digging on Goooooooogle, which really took me about two seconds, so here's the most-common answer.

After the police forces around the world began using scent dogs in the 1800s to catch suspected criminals, the crooks in question discovered that dragging a cured herring near their path, and then in a divergent one, would distract the dogs. The dogs, it seemed, were easily distracted by the smell of fish.

There is another explanation, and that is that poachers would use a herring to distract dogs on a hunt while the poachers were, well, poaching. Otherwise they'd just be hunters, I guess.

Anyway, the color red? When herring is cured, that's what color it becomes.

Now you know. And if anyone ever asks this question, you can now answer it, impress the opposite sex, get married to a rich model, move to Portugal, and become a god. A god who likes Scooby Snax.

NFL Picks - Week 1
Responding to Chris's invitation, I present to the reading public my own theories of who will win every football game this year, week by week.

I'm a dork, and it rocks.

Indianapolis at New England - This Patriots team won 15 straight games, running through the Super Bowl, including a controversial win over the Patriots in the AFC Championship game. The phrase "Any given Sunday" does not apply to the Pats. NE

Arizona at St. Louis - Well, Jason Sehorn is back in St. Louis, so the Rams' defense will be a little bit worse than last year. Football Outsiders propose that because of the random nature of fumbles caused versus fumbles recovered, the Rams looked especially good last year - at the same time, these are the Cardinals. STL

Baltimore at Cleveland - The Cleveland Browns are like the Cardinals of old, except in a different division. A team front office that has no real intention of winning or knowledge of how to legally put together a good group of athletes, combined with Butch Davis as the head coach? Please. BAL

Cincinnati at New York Jets - The Jets have lost three defensive backs over the last four weeks of preseason, two of whom will not play in the game against the Bengals. The defensive backfield's thin-ness, combined with the fact that the Jets' starting running back is the agéd Curtis Martin, makes me think the Bengals will pull this one out. CIN

Detroit at Chicago - Does anyone really care? Let's say the Lions. That sounds about right. DET

Jacksonville at Buffalo - The Jaguars have put together a pretty good preseason, going 3-1, but Byron Leftwich is still hurting on his throwing hand (thumb). The Bills defense, anchored by the overrated Takeo Spikes, is not great, but is also not bad, and I really don't think that J.J. Stokes should ever be considered a go-to guy the way the Jags are. BUF

Oakland at Pittsburgh - Steelers coach Bill Cowher made the right decision, opting to start edge runner Duce Staley over pounding-up-the-gut runner Jerome Bettis. Bettis's style does not jive well with the fact that the Raiders have the best run-stopping defensive line in football - but the linebackers are overrated. Hence, Duce. I think the Steelers' wide receivers will be the real game-breakers in this game, though, because they're very technical guys who run a lot of crossing routes, and there will be a lot of illegal contact flags thrown at the silver and black. PIT

San Diego at Houston - Once again, does anyone care? David Carr is my fantasy backup QB. That's it. That's the only reason to take note of this game. Texans will thrash Martyball. HOU

Seattle at New Orleans - "We want the ball, and we're gonna win!" exclaimed Matt Hasselbeck at the start of overtime in a playoff game against the Packers last year. He was wrong then, but he'll get it right this time. The Saints are on a deep downward spiral. SEA

Tampa Bay at Washington - Joe Gibbs, welcome to the NFL. FedEx field is not that rough a place on opposing teams, despite its incredible size. The Bucs, too, still have a pretty good offense and a decent defense, despite the losses of Sapp and Lynch. TB

Tennessee at Miami - Lamar Gordon is a serious upgrade to the Dolphins' offense, but it doesn't change the fact that Jay Fiedler is their starting QB. Chris Brown is a good back; he's no Eddie George, but maybe that's a good thing these days. TEN

Atlanta at San Francisco - This is a tough call. Crappy team versus crappy team, and one of them's supposed to be good. They won't win, though, and Dennis Erickson gets to feel good about himself and Tim Rattay gets to start for one more week. SFO

Dallas at Minnesota - Actually a tough call. I like Terence Newman, and I think he was a good draft pick last year, but I also think that Kenichi Udeze is a better DL than anyone expected him to be at this point in his young career. The rookie Udeze will eat Vinny Testaverde and his geritol for lunch. MIN

New York Giants at Philadelphia - At some point this season, Kurt Warner is going to look like a good QB again. The Giants offensive line, though, can't keep up its blocking forever, and I think Jevon Kearse is too good a player to be marginalized like he was last year. PHI

Kansas City at Denver - No defense? No problem. Priest cures the ills. KC

Green Bay at Carolina - Maybe I'm tainted by the fact that I'm starting Favre as my QB. Maybe I just recognize that the Panthers will not have the same success this year as last, for the most part because the Packers do not have the same offensive line as they did last year, and Stephen Davis will suffer for it. GB

Murphy's Law Rears its Head
Poor NASA.

In an attempt to learn more about the makeup of our solar system, NASA blasted a solar collector spacecraft named Genesis towards the sun in 2001, with the plan of having it return to Earth and parachute down through the atmosphere, with a couple of helicopters with really long hooks hanging out in the Utah desert to catch it.

Really, it's a cool idea, and they actually had some stunt pilots from the motion picture industry trained and ready to go. I mean, they were on top of things.

The catching-of-the-doodad part of the project wasn't even superserious, because the spacecraft was...well, it was gonna be on a parachute, so even if they missed the first couple of attempts, a soft impact into the Utah scrub wouldn't destroy the scientific information inside.

So, today, the Genesis probe was designed to approach earth at a relative speed of about 25,000 miles per hour, skid along the atmosphere, deploy the parachute, and be to a baseball as Earth and Sol are to son and father.

Problem is, the parachute never opened.

I'd really like to congratulate NASA on botching what, really, was the easiest part of the whole project - teaching a computer to pull a ripcord.

The data inside, the solar collection materials (sheets of diamond, silicon, platinum, and sapphire, all with stardust adhered to them and locked up), and the craft itself, are all presumed to be a total loss.

Here's a quick question: knowing that things have gone wrong in the past with NASA missions (remember the polar explorer to Mars that crashed because somebody at Boeing used feet and inches while everyone else was using meters?), why did they ot build in a second, backup parachute system? I mean, the capsule weighed 500 pounds as it was. Would the addition of 20 extra pounds really have made the whole mission untenable?

Here's a picture, by the way, of the crumpled spacecraft:



And here's another one:




According to NASA's own website, "Presumably, the charges that were to deploy the chutes did not detonate. It is still too early to know the condition of the science samples, solar particles that were captured by Genesis and stored in the capsule." (article here and Genesis website here)

I'm beginning to understand why some people don't believe we even went to the moon.

Further Proof that College Polls are a Sham
As if we needed more.

Every week, the coaches in D-1 football programs (D-1 being the largest, D-3 the smallest in four-year colleges) get together and mail in votes as to who they think the number one college football programs in the country are.

Well, in theory.

In actuality, it's the D-1 athletic directors who get together and mail in votes to the Associated Press and USA Today newspaper. The coaches just sign their names to it, or, even worse, just have the AD rubber-stamp a signature on the votes.

That's bad enough, and of course it's worse that the top 30 teams in the land don't have their votes discounted - of COURSE they're going to vote for themselves week after week, skewing the system. But that's not the real problem.

There's a preseason AP poll which comes out, and rarely means anything except to the programs themselves, because nobody who hasn't yet seen the teams play in game situations really knows how well they're going to fare losing a quarter of their players to graduation. Really, it's just a way for gamblers to find out who the coaches think is going to run the table - in week one.

The real problem is when the polls come out - the post-week one poll was released today at around 2 PM.

SIX TEAMS IN THE TOP 25 HADN'T PLAYED A GAME YET.

SIX.

And yet these teams were still ranked within the AP Top 25. One of them was number four (Florida State) and one was number five (Miami of Florida).

Does this bother anyone else? This would be like declaring that John Kerry won Missouri on November 1st, as far as I'm concerned.

This shouldn't surprise me, though, since it's really nothing new. The Heisman Trophy is awarded to the best football player in the nation every year (really, the best glory boy QB, RB, or WR, which is a shame since Heisman himself was a lineman), with votes being cast by living Heisman recipients and a theoretically select group of sportswriters every year.

Now, one would think that to be judged the best player in the nation, one would have to finish one's season, right? I mean, the Golden Globes judge best movie after it's released instead of in postproduction.

But that's not the way it works in college football - not in a sport where 10% of the votes for the Heisman Trophy come in BEFORE THE PLAYERS PLAY THEIR LAST GAME. Jason White won the Heisman before he finished his season - in his last game, he looked like a high school freshman lining up against the 2000 Ravens defense in a 35-7 loss to Kansas State.

It's not that I've lost faith in college polls, because I never really had any; I'm just surprised so many people still do.

I'm Gonna Regret This One
Do you ever have those days where you know you need to wash your laundry, and you know you need to fold it, but you really only want to do the former?

That was me on Tuesday. My laundry's still in the hamper.

For the next two weeks, until I do my lights again, just call me "Mr. Rumples."

Cincinnati Bengals season predictions

Alright, I'm going to do my best to go game-by-game here, and offer my season prediction on how each will go [I]and why[/I]. Feel free to offer opposite opinions.

at NYJ win - Chad Pennington is a good quarterback, and this is a team that has a lot of talent, but they have a few questions, too. Justin McCareins is not cut out to be a number one receiver (yet), and I think the defense lost a huge piece with Reggie Tongue being hurt for a few weeks.

MIA win - Uhm. Yeah.

BAL loss - Remember, kids, the Jamal Lewis trial isn't until November. Lewis remains one of the dominant backs in the league, and I think that Kyle Boller may not be as bad as people think. Plus, this remains a dominant defense, and I think Carson will be completely blown out of the water. Honeymoon's over in week three.

at PIT loss - This is a game that will be lost by the defense - the new emphasis on the illegal contact rule, combined with Madieu Williams' inexperience, will open up the interior passing game for Tommy Maddox, who, despite being an insurance salesman, can still throw a football. I don't see the D-Line getting any better against the run, either, and Jerome Bettis still plays football up the gut.

BYE

at CLE win - Jeff Garcia is not the savior, and I really think that Nate Webster's insanity will allow him to pop KW2 a few more times than may be necessary, probably away from the play, but will also help to bring the kid down a bit. I'm worried about Suggs, but I'm also sure that Butch Davis will make the wrong decision and let William Green start. The offensive line remains a question mark in Cleveland, which will certainly help our DL feel better about themselves.

DEN win - Mike Shanahan has a history of pulling good running backs out of thin air, but part of that was the offensive line, and they lost their OL coach to the Falcons this past offseason. Plus, they're now starting...Reuben Droughns. Unimpressive, and Jake Plummer is still Jake Plummer.

at TEN loss - I'm not impressed with Antowain Smith, and never will be, but I am always impressed with the Titans and Steve McNair's manipulation of the team's offense. This is a game the Bengals could win, but won't, simply because the Titans' offense is better than the Bengals' defense. That said, the Titans have LaMont Thompson, so the Bengals might have a shot - but I'm leaning towards loss.

DAL loss - The Dallas Cowboys are a pretty good all-around team. We all know how much Eddie George tore this team up in 8 seasons with the Titans, and he gets the chance to do it again with a star on his hat. He won't be the difference maker, though: Testaverde will. He's a good quarterback with years of experience, and the Dallas OL is still incredibly good, especially on Justin Smith's side. That said, if Drew Henson is the starting QB, the Bengals will win.

at WAS win - Joe Gibbs is a good coach, but I don't think his team has the personnel yet to really win a lot of football games. There's going to be a lot of purging, especially in the defensive backfield. The passing game will be the dominant theme in this game, and I think the Bengals will pull it out on Chaddie's back.

PIT win - The Steelers beat the Bengals last time around - and I don't see it happening again. Jerome Bettis is almost always better at the start of the season, and even though they have Duce Staley now making cuts, when he plays too much, he comes apart too. I think the Bengals can pull this one out.

CLE win - By this time, Jeff Garcia should be hurt again, and Lee Suggs should be playing RB. So the dynamic changes. But I still don't think that the Cleveland Browns have enough of a team spirit to play this game out. I think the Bengals will win - and this time, it'll be on offense, rather than defense.

at BAL loss - This is the time that Deion Sanders really starts to make a difference. While it's true that Jamal Lewis may be occupied by this time with a trial, this is also the point by which the Baltimore offensive staff should have found about 7 plays on offense that Deion Sanders can handle - a reverse will be the play that changes this game for the worse.

at NE loss - Bill Belichick will not forget the loss in Cincy this month. He'll also have gotten all of the wrinkles in his team smoothed out. Remember that the Patriots had won 8 straight preseason games coming into Cincinnati, which means they'd lost one going into their 2001 Super Bowl season. But this team is just too good in Foxboro.

BUF win - Mike Mularkey almost had a chance to coach here, instead staying at PIT for one more season before going to Buffalo. I think we'll see why Punkin passed him up. He's a rookie head coach, and Drew Bledsoe just isn't the same quarterback he was before he was hurt in that Jets/Patriots game in 2001. He seems afraid to get hit, and this team's running game will remain its strong point. Perhaps that will expose the DL's biggest weakness up to this point, but I don't see the Bills winning.

NYG loss - Kurt Warner, I think, is due to come back to something approaching his 1999-2001 form. If not, Coughlin will have installed Eli Manning by week 7, so he'll have some decent rookie-level experience coming into this game. The Giants are a deep team, and while Tiki Barber is a fumbling machine, he's also still a fairly good running back. This will be a G-Men win.

at PHI loss - Carson Palmer is not ready for Philadelphia. Nothing he has done in college could have prepared him for the level of hostility that he'll see in Lincoln Financial Field. Nothing. Nada. Zip. That first cup of urine hits him, and he'll crawl into a shell. Tack on T.O. and Donovan McNabb's ability to make a defense look like a bunch of three-year-olds, and I actually see this as a blowout loss to the Eagles.

So I forsee an 8-8 season. Of course, this is assuming that nobody gets hurt in the last preseason game, and that I have some measurable amount of intelligence. Both, as I'm sure some would agree, are questionable.

Oh. And the Ravens take the division.