Celebrating my own Shortcomings

Every so often, my wife and I (though mostly her) like to blog about our culinary accomplishments. A roast duck here, a neat salad there, maybe something involving potatoes. We're both decent cooks, and we can put together a fun meal when we want to.

Witness this incredible dessert. I'd never thought of ricotta as a sweet cheese until I had some that was so weighed down with sugar and cocoa powder that Wilford Brimley got diabetes from it again.

(side note: jokes about old men with chronic dietary and/or glandular conditions are always funny, unless they know where you live and own a gun.)

And I have to admit that Kirsten is, in fact, a better cook than I am. No real surprise there; I think most people who know me know that I have a cast-iron stomach. And with a cast-iron stomach comes a little rust on the taste buds, ne?

But what you may not know is that my cousin Steve is a chef. Like, the educated-in-how-to-make-a-reduction kind. Or lemon foam, or vichyssoise. The kind that can pronounce "vichyssoise" without sounding like he's sneezing. Steve's the kind of chef who did at one point write "I'm a big fan of molecular gastonomy" on his goddamn MySpace page. Dude's got an AAS degree from Cordon Bleu Las Vegas, and worked at the Bellagio. So when it comes to cooking in the family, he's sort of the top guy.

(side note 2: this is the only page referencing Chef Stephen Gratop that isn't one of his Facebook friends' pages. You're welcome).

Anyway, at the risk of having Steve post on this blog "Yer Doin it Wrong", I present to you a quick-and-easy-and-delicious appetizer that just became my dinner.

1) Take a rectangular slice of lunchmeat, preferably ham. Slice in half lengthwise.
2) Spread approximately 1 tsp of herbed goat cheese (or spreadable cheese like Laughing Cow) on half of the ham strip.
3) Slice a zucchini in half lengthwise. Then, cut one of those halves into long, flat strips, suitable for rolling. Grill these strips on a griddle or George Foreman. Save the other for some other meal.
4) Lay the grilled strips on top of the ham and cheese. For a large squash, they'll be about the same length.
5) Slice a bell pepper (we used orange, for color) into wedges. Grill these.
6) Using the bell pepper like an axle, roll the ham, cheese, and zucchini.
7) Eat.
8) Marvel at my splendor.

Next time: How to combine meat, cheese, and bread into a delicious tower of food I'm calling a "Sand-wich."