You Nasty

I have cleaned up befouled riverbanks. I have mud-wrestled. I have dissected cats, sharks, and pigs. I have handled human remains. I have had nasty bouts of food poisoning. I have seen, and cleaned up after, dogs with hemorrhagic gastroenteritis. I have given enemas to cats. I have performed laminectomies on rats, and sliced the brains of mouse pups in slices measured in microns.

Heck, I've even seen old men naked in the Bally's lockerroom.

But by far the most digusting, odious thing I have ever seen is my daughter's shit.

I swear to God, it's like she's defecating latex paint. That stuff is a very weird yellowish brown color, it's thick, it's sticky, and it gets everywhere. And on a girl, "everywhere" is a much more complex geography than with a boy. Indoor plumbing versus outdoor, you know?

And the sound she makes when she excretes is this horrible, ominous wet rumble. If you've ever been around a baby, you know when the kid has taken a dump. I hear it, and there's this sinking feeling, like the bottom has dropped out from under me (har-dee-har-har).

You know, honestly, I can't wait for solid food. At least then I'll be in familiar territory, poopwise. Until then....gargh.