Monday, January 19, 2009

Overheard


"OH MY GOD DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE OH SHIT THERE ARE SO MANY FUCKING GREEN NOTES OH MY GOD FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!"
*pause*

"FIVE STARS BITCHES!"

-Kirsten, playing "Sweet Home Alabama" on Guitar Hero

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I'm Moderately More Attractive than Gene Shalit


So I've had some downtime this weekend, which is a new thing for me. I don't know if I necessarily like it, because I feel like I haven't gotten much accomplished, but it is what it is.

One of the things I've done is watch some movies I'd been meaning to catch up on. So I've got that going for me, which is nice (points to the first person who knows the actor who said it, and why).

So I've seen three movies this weekend: Tropic Thunder, I am Legend, and The Big Lebowski, the latter of which I'd seen before. I also read the Wikipedia article on the French Foreign Legion, for no reason at all.

Tropic Thunder, I know, got a lot of bad press. It makes fun of the mentally challenged frequently (though not as frequently as a lot of high-and-mighty critics have implied), and is phenomenally ridiculous, but you know what? It's hilarious. If this movie is any guide, Tom Cruise is now the world's greatest character actor, although Robert Downey, Jr. deserves a little bit of recognition, too, for his work. I was almost rolling on the floor laughing at this movie.

I am Legend is a weird one. It's one of those "last man standing trying to undo the worldwide armageddon caused by Emma Thompson's hubris" movies (just like Love: Actually), and has some things going for it. It's generally in keeping with the book of the same name by Robert Matheson, or at least it's in keeping with how Matheson would have written the book in 2007 instead of 1960-something. It's better than Charlton Heston's version of the book, which you may have seen as Omega Man. It's generally OK, and it's nice to not have to worry too much about character development, since most of the movie is spent in a simple one-on-many mindset. I mean, there's backstory work and all, but it's hardly necessary; the protatgonist-vs.-demon-antagonist thing that the movie has going is pretty captivating anyway. I don't think this is the best movie of the last two years, or even the best Will Smith movie of the last two years, but it's nice to see him back in the action mode after that touchy-feely stuff he had going on in The Pursuit of Happyness and Hitch.

The Big Lebowski is a classic. See it. Love it. Doesn't get old.

Now, let's see if I can put up with Hitman.

Friday, January 02, 2009

The Sports, they Draw Me In


I've gotten to thinking the last couple of weeks about whether the collegiate football that we watch during the season - the big games, with the big-name teams, is really the best football out there. I mean, Big 10 teams and Southeastern Conference teams dominate the airwaves every week from August to November, but are they the best teams or do they just have the best football contracts? Is it the quality of the offense that makes them good, or just the number of alumni who might be watching and driving ad revenue?

The best way to tell is to look at their Bowl Records. Every post-season bowl game, all 32 of 'em, pit one conference against another in head-to-head matchups. There's no championship in Division I-A college football, so there's no way to know for sure, but head-to-head matchups can certainly go a long way. So of the major conferences (Big 10, Big East, Big 12, Southeastern Conference, Conference USA, Mountain West, Western Athletic Conference, Pacific 10, Atlantic Coast, Mid-American, and Sun Belt), which ones that we see all the time (Big 10, ACC, SEC, Big 12, Big East, and those pesky WAC and MWC) are actually any good? The records will tell.

The Big Ten brings in big bucks for TV revenues because it exists in states that don't have professional football, except of course for Pennsylvania and Illinois. These big-time schools are the best thing going in their states, they have huge student bodies, they have huge alumni pools, they have 100 years of history, and they have enormous stadiums.

But in Bowl Games, when it matters, the Big 10 is 1-5 this year, with 1 more game to play. So far, Big 10 teams have lost to teams from the ACC (Wisconsin vs. Florida State), the Big 12 (N'Western vs. Missouri and Minnesota vs. Kansas), the SEC (Michigan State vs. Georgia), and the Pac-10 (Penn State vs. Southern Cal). Only Iowa could win, and against a weak SEC team at that. Ohio State's chances against Texas?

Let's just say the Big 10 will go to 1-6 this year.

What about the Atlantic Coast Conference, though? They poached Virginia Tech, Miami, and Boston College from the Big East five years ago to make themselves into the new East-coast Super Conference. They added a conference championship. They have ten teams - TEN TEAMS! - out of their 12 in postseason bowls this year. That's more than any other conference, by three. They...suck. They only have two ranked teams - even the Big East has two, and the Mountain West has three. As a conference, they're 4-6 in bowls.

The ACC lost games to the SEC, Big 12, Big East (twice, how's that for irony?), SEC, and Pac-10. They managed to beat the Big East champion, and also posted wins against an Independent service academy, the Mountain west, and a team from the Big 10, which apparently any high school can do.

The Mountain West Conference, thanks to Utah, and the Western Athletic Conference, thanks to Boise State, always get lots of press as being the homes of the most likely "BCS-Buster" teams, teams that would make the BCS if their conference was just a little bit smarter and had bought into the BCS plan when it started. Heck, Utah finished the year 12-0, and actually played half its games on the road. Other MWC teams in bowls were Air Force, BYU, Colorado State, and Texas Christian.

In the WAC, Boise State finished its season undefeated, too, at 12-0. Hawaii, Nevada, LaTech (how'd they end up in the WAC?) and Fresno State all made bowls from the WAC this year.

But these conferences have been middling, at best. Barack Obama's constant media coverage got him labeled an empty suit candidate who had nothing going for him but charm and the ability to really get a crowd believing - say what you will about our next president, but the WAC and MWC really ARE empty suits. The WAC's bowl season is over, going 1-4. Only Louisiana Tech could pull out a win, against 6-6 Northern Illinois University from the far-less-than-mighty Mid-American Conference.

The Mountain West Conference has one team left to push it over .500. Going into the Sugar Bowl tonight the conference is 2-2: TCU beat Boise State and Colorado State beat Fresno State from the WAC, Air Force lost to Houston from Conference USA, and BYU lost to the Pac-10's Arizona. Utah can save the postseason for the conference, but can they save themselves against Alabama? Talk about doubtful.

Conference USA, the poor pitiful CUSA, looks pretty good right now: CUSA is 3-1 with two games left to play. Tulsa plays Ball State, and Eastern Carolina faces Kentucky. If Tulsa and ECU pull out wins, CUSA will finish 5-1. They already have wins against a service academy, the MAC, and the Sun Belt, and a loss to the Big East - two more wins could come against the SEC (ECU vs. Kentucky) and a second win against the MAC (Tulsa vs. Ball State). These conferences are all fairly weak, but the Bowl organizers in charge seem to have recognized that CUSA, if nothing else, is JUST AS GOOD as these other conferences, and scheduled good matchups. CUSA is comfortable in its own skin and isn't trying to overreach (I'm looking at you, ACC).

The MAC? They're terrible, at 0-3, but that's all anyone expected out of them.

As I look, I gotta say the Big 10 is by far the most overrated college football conference, and they have been for a while - not since Ohio State beat Miami in 2002 has that conference really been any good, and it's debatable whether the Big East was any good at the time, either (or just as overrated as the Big 10). The ACC has failed miserably in their goal of creating the next great superconference, and those little BCS busters just aren't as good as the sports yaks want you to believe.

So who's for real? The Southeastern Conference, surely, is the real deal, and the PAC-10 ain't so bad either. The Big East is quietly racking up wins, and the Big 12 has been doing the same.

But hey - at least Notre Dame posted a bowl win!