Week 8 NFL Picks
I have no idea what my cumulative record is on NFL picks, but then because so few people actually care, I don't feel I have any real reason to go back and check. So there. Ha.

Without further ado, my NFL picks for week 8! *cue music*

-Carolina at New Orleans: This could be the game where Aaron Brooks and the Saints re-legitimize themselves as contenders for the AFC South. This could also be the game where Superman comes down from the skies and shags Lois Lane on the 50-yard-line for the halftime show. I think both events are equally likely. Carolina

-Cleveland at New England: Playing the Cleveland Browns is not nearly as easy as it was in, say, week 2. But I think New England is coming off a huge win against Miami, and has a lot of momentum. New England

-Dallas at Tampa Bay: Dallas's record is due in large part to the fact that they haven't played teams this year that were all that good. Sure, they beat Philadelphia and the New York Giants, but please - they lost to the Falcons. Still, I think Tampa hasn't been playing up to their ability lately, and I don't know if that's going to stop here. I think this constitutes a semi-upset. Dallas

-Denver at Baltimore: Danny Kanell is sick with the flu, and was stumbling all over the Denver practice field ralphing up his lungs. Jarious Jackson, the team's only healthy quarterback, was given the start, even though he wasn't even good enough to be a third-string player this year. That's right, kids, he was signed as an emergency measure ONLY. This does not bode well for your team, Mr. Shanahan. Baltimore

-Detroit at Chicago: No shocker here - Steve Mariucci has the Detroit Lions headed in the right direction. I think that Dick Jauron's team is headed in the complete opposite direction. Or maybe they've gotten to Suckland already? Detroit

-N.Y. Giants at Minnesota: Minnesota's offense is always wide, wide open, and I don't think that New York's banged up secondary can really do much to control Minnesota's wide receivers. Randy Moss will explode, but so will all of the underrated guys who play with him. I don't know their names, that's how little props they get. New York

-Seattle at Cincinnati: I picked the Bengals last week, and I think I look pretty good for it. The question this week is whether Jon Kitna can a) play a second straight game without doing something really, really stupid, and b) whether the Bengals can take advantage of Shawn Springs's absence. I doubt it, BUT it should be noted that Seattle has one of the three worst pass defenses in the league. I don't think Corey Dillon's outburst on Tuesday will be any more of a distraction than Corey usually is. This will be close. Bengals

-St. Louis at Pittsburgh: The Rams look to be clicking on all cylinders again, although Arlen Harris is a bit questionable in terms of starting ability. I like the kid - I picked him up for my fantasy team. But I don't think he really has the experience of starting against the still-agressive Pittsburgh run defense yet, and that's going to show. Still, I like the Rams to win. Saint Louis

-Tennessee at Jacksonville: I'd like to congratulate Jack Del Rio for knowing that switching to the shotgun will be a better way to introduce Byron Leftwich to the NFL; the kid played that almost exclusively at college, and he did quite well, thank you. But couldn't he have waited until they were playing a suckier team? Tennessee

-San Francisco at Arizona: I think I may be ill - I'm picking the Cardinals. Maybe it's because I really, really dislike Dennis Erickson. That could be it. Well, my feelings not withstanding, this is my Upset Special. Arizona

-Houston at Indianapolis: Now that Tony Dungy has been able to get his team fired up at the appropriate times, and now that the idiot kicker and unenthusiastic quarterback have gotten in tune with each other again, the Colts look really, really good. Houston is still an expansion team - give Capers one more year before you hand him the Lombardi Trophy. Right now, the Colts are the better team. Indianapolis

-N.Y. Jets at Philadelphia: I really can't comprehend Donovan McNabb's stats this season: 91 for 190, for 854 yards, 2 touchdowns, and 6 interceptions. The guy is hurting something awful with his bad thumb, and it's time for Andy Reid to let the guy rest a week. Chad Pennington's return will re-energize the Jets, and don't be surprised if they win a lot more games now. Jets

-Buffalo at Kansas City: After last night's debacle between the Falcons and the Bengals, you would think that the TV networks would have pushed harder for flexible scheduling, so they could avoid showing crapfests like this on television. They apparently didn't, though, and millions of people are going to watch the Bills lay one foul egg. Kansas City

-Miami at San Diego: Believe it or not, this is my official Close Game of the Week. Miami's playcalling is probably the worst in the league, as they run on 1st and 10 a whopping seventy percent of the time. Patriots players last week admitted that they'd just line up in a run defense on first downs, knowing that a run was what they would indeed see. Note to Miami's offensive staff: Change this. It's a shame they never listen to my letters. On the other side of the ball, San Diego is still...San Diego. I think they're going to exploit Miami's inability to pass on first down, and keep this game in reach for a while. In the end, Miami will prevail.