Another terrible childhood aiment
I remember when I was a kid, and I'd read books or watch TV all day, or go out and ride my bike, or whatever the hell it was I did, and I'd find a way to cause myself pain. On the bike, I'd...well, I'd fall off the bicycle, and scrape myself up. Reading books, I'd give myself a bit of a cramp on whatever arm I was leaning on, or maybe a neck strain, or what-have-you. Watching TV, I was certainly the victim of eyestrain, since I'd watch the boob tube for hours on end without so much as blinking.

But now, we see the latest scourge in childhood illness, the "Hogwarts Headache." Symptoms, oddly enough, include headaches, and a physician is linking the malady to children reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix for too long, causing tension headaches and other problems.

I'm glad that physicians are linking otherwise strange headaches to reading, because it means that kids are, in fact, still literate. I'll spare my audience from any "back in my day" diatribes, but suffice it to say that we played fewer video games and read more books than today's generation of lollygagging, loitering, loafing layabouts.

But honestly - naming the disease after a popculture phenomenon? What's next? Are we going to start labeling muscle pulls in Little League baseball players Griffeystrings, or Mo Vaughnitis? Crash your skateboard into your garage, kids, and Dr. Johnson is going to write "obvious Tony Hawk Abrasions, with X-games femoral fracture" in your chart.

And, of course, television injuries must be named and renamed. Your ass is numb from sitting too long? "TNT Bad Movie Marathon-induced nerve compression." Eyes dry? Chances are better than not that you've got "LeBron Commercial Disease." And, saddest of all: what previously was called a "Baywatch callous" may soon be renamed "Aguilera's Palmar Growth."