Long Time No Rant

Yes, I know it's been a while since I updated, and I still haven't come up with a good way to describe my Mardi Gras vacation that I promised. Suffice it to say that there was no debauchery. I'll come back to it, I swear.

Anyway, a few things have come up since last I regaled you with my wit and charm:
Firstly, when is the best time to belch? I mean, a real, huge, blow-out-the-windows-down-the-street ripper? I have a few suggestions:
Act I, Scene I of Richard the Third:
"Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of YOOOOOORRRRRRKKKKK"

Bruce Campbell's great monologue in Army of Darkness:
"Now listen up you primitive screwheads. This is my BOOOOOOMMstick."
This is best done with a shotgun, if you have one. Wave it about menacingly.

Prince's "When Doves Cry:"
"Why do we scream at each other? / This is what it sounds like / When doves CRRROWWWWP"

Moving on.

Secondly, I've noticed that Kirsten has body image issues - mainly, she's not comfortable showing skin. This is a shame, because as I'm sure many of you have guessed, I'm attracted to her. Sexually-like. I mean, I *am* marrying her, and it's not arranged or anything, so I probably should find her attractive.

By the way, kudos to those who have arranged marriages with pretty members of the opposite sex. I know of one guy in particular, and dude: Good for you.

Back to the topic, Kirsten and I went out on St. Patrick's day for a late dinner of beer, corned beef, seconds of beer, cabbage, and potatoes. Good Irish fare from an American perspective. I managed to convince Kirsten (part of it was her own doing, since she'd bought the skirt specifically for the evening) to go out in a daringly short green plaid miniskirt. And I think it was good for her to be stared at like a piece of meat by people she doesn't see every day. I don't know that it was, and I'm certainly willing to hear an opinion to the contrary, but I'd take the guess that every now and then a girl has to feel like she's pretty to someone other than the guy who she's sleeping with.

Just my thoughts.

And, finally: my house has issues. But, in a related note, I have a new vacuum cleaner, a little Shark job, and it does the work it's supposed to. So maybe every cloud has a tin lining, after all.