NFL Picks, Week 5

No beating around the bush this week, although I will present a random fact: only two home teams out of 14 aren't favored: Green Bay and Arizona.

Rams at Packers: I'll start off with this one, because it's my "upset" special. But what can I say? I want the Rams to lose, especially after giving up 34 points to Detroit. GB
Buccaneers at Saints: I don't think the Saints necessarily need to "regroup," which is the standard term used for a team looking to win after losing. I think they just need to play Tampa Bay, which is actually much easier than "regouping." NO
Redskins at Giants: After looking at the stats, this is what I think: The Giants are going to look as outcoached this week as tight end Jeremy Shockey said they were two weeks ago. Another upset, though this one's not quite as special. WAS
Bills at Bears: Seriously, da Bears look pretty freakin' good. CHI
Dolphins at Patriots: Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor: "Whatever anyone thinks is the worst team in the league, that's us." NE
Browns at Panthers: And here the Browns nation had been celebrating after beating the Raiders. At least they'll be able to use the excuse of "hostile environment" to cover up the fact that bad player decisions and poor offensive coaching are sinking this team. CAR
Titans at Colts: It's going to be a long year for Vince Young if this is how he cuts his gums. IND
Lions at Vikings: It's a bad defense (Lions) trying to stop a bad offense (Vikings). Usually, bad offense wins. Or loses. Or whatever. Anyway, Poor Jon Kitna. MIN
Chiefs at Cardinals: So, let me get this straight: Once again, Kurt Warner (who is a robotic quarterback along the lines of Troy Aikman, and not nearly as mobile as, say, Jon Kitna) gets put behind a very bad offensive line (like he did in New York) and is asked to, you know, be mobile (like that Kitna fellow). He isn't mobile, he gets benched, and a new kid gets brought in. Story of his life, right? Well, the coaches have the right to change QBs, but Matt Leinart is going to be totally destroyed this season behind the second-worst offensive line in football; I'll call him lucky if he gets hurt during this game and gets to finish the season on Injured Reserve. For his sake, it's the best he can hope for. KC
Raiders at 49ers: Once again, the Raiders are one half of a game that nobody should ever have to watch. Seriously, it's like a special kind of Hell for Bay-area football fans. SFO
Jets at Jaguars: Tough call. Both teams are having problems, but the Jags might still be reeling from a tough loss to the Redskins. On the flipside, the Jets might still be reeling from a realization that they're mediocre. JAX
Cowboys at Eagles: What can I say that hasn't been said? Nothing, no thanks to those nattering nabobs on sports radio, television, internet, and semaphore. PHI
Steelers at Chargers: Somehow, the big Sunday-night game has gone under the radar. Maybe it's because of the game in Philly, or maybe it's because there's no question about who's gonna do what to whom in the prison shower. A battle of 2004 first-round quarterbacks, and the high pick wins, because Roethlisberger still looks a bit woozy. SDG
Ravens at Broncos: Three things going against the Ravens in this game. First: the fact that Baltimore is a sea-level town, and now they're playing in cold, dry, thin air. Second: the Broncos defense has only allowed one TD all season. Third: despite being 4-0 for the first time in their history, the Ravens still have a relatively inept offense. DEN