NFL Picks, Week 3

Have you ever wondered exactly what "ado" means, where it comes from, or why we don't want any more of it?

Well, no matter. Here are this week's predictions:
Panthers at Buccaneers: Well, neither of these teams looks very good, but I'd say that the Panthers look less not very good than the Bucs. CAR
Bears at Vikings: Don't look now, but the Bears look very, very good. Now that the offense has at least started to keep up with the defense, they're a force to be reckoned with. Side note: I still think Kyle Orton is a fine backup. CHI
Bengals at Steelers: I think this game hangs on T.J. Houshmandzadeh and his ability to, somehow, light up the Steelers while other Bengals receivers haven't yet done that. And Ben Roethlisberger was rumored to have been suffering from vertigo during the preseason, and last week he looked like he was suffering from it still. CIN
Packers at Lions: Jon Kitna. GB
Jaguars at Colts: Sure, the Jags looked pretty good against the Steelers last week, but I think the Colts are more than a decent team. Look out, though, because Dominic Rhodes is no Edgerrin James. This game will be close, but I'm leaning towards the Colts. IND
Jets at Bills: This AFC matchup has the capacity to define the entire division. Both teams are 1-1, and both have lost to the Patriots. A tough call, because I think both teams are about equal, but I think that Lee Evans is going to be the offensive player of the game. BUF
Titans at Dolphins: Anyone else who's read Bill Simmons's column on the Daunte Culpepper Fantasy Football Support Group knows there's a certain logic to his claim that running QBs have a very short shelf life, and that Culpepper may have exceeded his. But the question is, has Kerry Collins really got what it takes to still play football? I doubt it. MIA
Redskins at Texans: As I mentioned earlier, the Texans are considering starting Ron Dayne. The Redskins are getting Clinton Portis back at 100%. Even moody old man Mark Brunell can't screw it up. WAS
Baltimore at Cleveland: It's only week three, and already Kellen Winslow is saying that the coaching staff is the reason the Browns are a bad-looking 0-2. How long do you think it'll be before he's traded to the Raiders? BAL
Giants at Seahawks: These teams on the face of things are pretty equal, but Jeremy Shockey is facing down an ankle injury that's bothered him the last two weeks, and Sean Alexander has just been accused of being soft now that he's had his free-agency payday; Alexander took a big paycheck to stay with the Seahawks. The 'Hawks don't have Steve Hutchinson anymore, and their left offensive line looks the worse for it. In the end, what matters is jetlag - The Giants have it, the Seahawks don't. SEA
Eagles at 49ers: Another jetlag game. The main difference between this one and the Seatte/New York Giants tilt is that the 49ers are still one step behind most of the rest of the league. PHI
Rams at Cardinals: Don't look now, but the Cardinals have looked very decent the last couple of games. Key to the game: Arizona's offensive line. The Cardinals have already allowed 8 sacks this year, and the Rams have only tallied 4. ARI
Broncos at Patriots: The Broncos were a strong contender last year, but this year they've been a total flop. And the Patriots have looked very strong in their division, and are probably hell-bent on avenging themselves against this Denver team that beat them twice last season, including a playoff game. NE
Falcons at Saints: Like anyone's gonna pay attention to the game. Don't look now (not that you will), but Michael Vick is all of a sudden "getting it." I totally underrated him the first week of the season, and underrated the coaching staff's ability to just give up on trying to make Vick into a pure passer. Screw it, he's the most exciting thing since self-slicing bread. ATL in a win that breaks 300 million hearts.