Delightfully Off-Key

Kirsten and I went out with some friends tonight to Talayna's, a karaoke bar on Hampton Avenue just off of the interstate here in St. Louis. I'm not altogether sure whether it's related to the unbearably delicious Talayna's Pizza in the Central West End, but they're probably at least owned by relatives. After all, Talayna can't be that common a name.

Anyway, one of Kirsten's friends is a lot like her. She even has the habit of saying really weird things in public places, like "It smells like someone did a poo!" and "Kirsten, where is your sweater, you skanky whore?" She's also a friendly drunk, and accidentally told her boyfriend who lives 600 miles away that she loves him, regardless of whether or not he loves her. He's a plumber, and a nice guy, but he's probably going to spend about an hour staring at his phone in the morning with a "What the hell?" look on his face.

A note: I'm starting this week with a moral invective. You don't have to read it if you don't want to, my feelings won't be hurt. And I promise that 13 of this week's 14 picks have much shorter lead-ins.

49ers at Chiefs: I sit here from the safety of my keyboard every week and blame stuff on past coaches and administrators on teams, and that's OK; I don't have any real connection to either new or old regimes, and so I can honestly say without bias that something is one person or one group of people's fault. This week, Chiefs defensive coordinator Gunther Cunningham accused old Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil of toying too much with the Chiefs' defense, and thus Vermeil was the reason the Chiefs defense played poorly while Vermeil was coach. Firstly, the Chiefs are statistically worse defensively this year than last. Secondly, Gunther was a holdover from Vermeil's regime to the new coaching staff under Herman Edwards. Edwards presumably hasn't meddled, so if things are getting worse, it's Cunningham's fault. Thirdly, throwing your old boss under the bus like that is not likely to get you a lot of future job offers from guys looking to protect their own images; it's a bad career move. And, finally, saying "The poor performance of the unit that I am in charge of is/was not my fault" is weak and makes you look like you aren't really in charge. I desperately want the Chiefs defense to just stop playing football just so someone can put Gunther Cunningham's ass in a sling for being a whiny incompetent bitch. SF
Cardinals at Falcons: So, Dennis Green defended Kurt Warner this week and left him in as the starter. I think he knew, just as the rest of America does, that it doesn't matter who'se under center when the team as a whole is still one year away from competing. ATL
Cowboys at Titans: No suicide jokes. I promise. Just a suggestion that Kerry Collins seek help after this game is over. You know, just to talk things over with someone who gets paid by the hour, won't judge, and isn't a hooker. DAL
Colts at Jets: I had a feeling that the Colts would miss Edgerrin James this season; so did everyone else, so it's not exactly a novel thought. But they're in the bottom third of the league in rush yards per game, which is not a good place to be. They'll win anyway. IND
Dolphins at Texans: You remember when you were a kid, and you'd leave your room a mess, and your parents wouldn't let you do anything until you cleaned it up? The NFL doesn't work that way. And that's why Dom Capers and Charlie Casserly may still get jobs in the league next season. MIA
Vikings at Bills: Neither team is really scream-out-loud good, but the Bills at least look decenter than the Vikings. BUF
Saints at Panthers: Everyone loved how the game in the Superdome came out last week. I mean, except for the Falcons. But reality has to set in sometime. CAR
Chargers at Ravens: Believe it or not, the Chargers are favored. I don't believe it. And Hloti Ngata, who has one of the most-difficult 10-letter names to say, is making a real difference as a rookie for the Ravens. BAL
Lions at Rams: I picked on Kitna last week, but after taking some time to really look at the Lions roster, I think he may actually be the best player on the team. STL
Browns at Raiders: Oh, God, who cares? Games like this are the reason solitary confinement exists, as that's the only place you can go to get away from them. OAK, I guess.
Jaguars at Redskins: Mark Brunell completed his first 22 passes last week, making it look as if the Redskins finally have their new playbook down pat. I don't buy that, and we'll see if Leftwich and company can step up this week. Sez here they will. JAX
Patriots at Bengals: The Bengals are actually one-touchdown favorites this week, and in a league where the average margin of victory is less than 10, that's a big spread. Is it possible that depending on Reche Caldwell and Troy Brown to lead the receiving corps in New England was a bad idea? CIN
Seahawks at Bears: Matt Hasselbeck looked pretty good last week. He's gonna look pretty silly this week. CHI
Packers at Eagles: Let me make one thing clear: One game does not a season make. It's a shame to see Brett Favre go down in flames, and he might still do well this year. That being said, the Eagles right now are a better team. PHI