Week 6 NFL picks
You know, there's something October football, that harkens back to the days of yore - when we were young, and our hearts were open books. You used to say, "Damn, those Bengals were good," (you know you did).
But now they suck ass. At least their ass-sucking is put on hiatus for a week while they contemplate facing the Ravens in week 7. For now, though, the line on them is BYE (-7) at CIN. Watch for Brandon Bennett to make his presence known.
But fret not, for 28 other NFL teams are playing this week Some of them, believe it or not, are worse than the boys in stripes. And so here are the picks for those 14 other games:
Sunday, October 12:
-Carolina at Indianapolis: You know, there's something in the air in Carolina, that makes the boys strong and the girls really hot. Unfortunately, there's something in the water in Indianapolis, that taints it brown and makes them really, really good at football. Plus, the Colts have Ricky Williams version 2.0 IND
-Chicago at New Orleans: Everybody knew the Bears would suck. But the Saints? Come on, folks, it's not December yet! But, as I've said before, Aaron Brooks will get benched in favor of a real quarterback sometime soon. But the Saints still won't win. CHI
-Houston at Tennessee: This has the makings of an upset, and I think the time is nigh for the Titans to lose a game, and for the Houston defense to show up again. Just kidding. TEN
-Kansas City at Green Bay: You can't kick to Dante Hall. You can't kick away from Dante Hall. So the Packers have devised a brilliant strategy: Don't score, and commit a LOT of turnovers. KC
-Miami at Jacksonville: I picked Miami to lose to Buffalo and make Dave Wannstedt's seat that much hotter, back in week 3. Didn't happen. Won't happen now, either, especially since rather than the Bills, we're talking about a team who's kicker hurt himself CHOPPING WOOD IN THE LOCKER ROOM WITH A FREAKING AXE. MIA
-N.Y. Giants at New England: Something about Bill Belichick scares me something awful. I don't know what it is, but I know it's there. Back on topic, the patriots will lose. NYG
-Oakland at Cleveland: For Tim Couch's sake, I want the Browns to win. I mean, the guy's a competitor, and he's got a heart of gold. Really soft, easily hurt gold. But Bill Callahan can't be THAT bad a coach, and Charlie Garner has to get some carries sometime. Why not now?OAK
-Philadelphia at Dallas: All the controversy over Donovan McNabb and Rush Limbaugh seems to have (thankfully) subsided, so I thought I'd bring it up again just because I'm a dick. McNabb played pretty well, and had some good post-touchdown routines. The Cowboys haven't really seen anything like him this season, and I think the Eagles are going to beat the 'boys down a bit. This is my Close Game of the Week* PHI
-Tampa Bay at Washington: When LaVar Arrington is making threats against your most noticable player, you know you're going to win. TB
-Baltimore at Arizona: Somewhere in the desert southwest, a young man will stumble upon a game where 22 men run at each other for control of a leather spheroid. Just not in Tempe. BAL
-Buffalo at N.Y. Jets: The Bills, like the Browns, are a study in schizophrenia. One week they look like one of the top 5 teams in football, the next week they don't even look like they'll finish the season ranked above high school teams. This is my upset of the week, especially with Moulds out. NYJ
-Pittsburgh at Denver: Jake Plummer's looking sore, Tommy Maddox is looking weak, and some famous guy whose nickname is "Famous" is a starting running back. I don't have anything even remotely witty to say here. DEN
-San Francisco at Seattle: Dennis Erickson, the very bad 49ers head coach, is reunited with his old team, where he was a very bad coach. SEA
Monday, October 13
-Atlanta at St. Louis: I imagine that Doug Johnson wishes he were dead right now. I think a Monday Night Football game, in front of the whole country, would be a good chance for him to come out of his shell and market himself as a decent quarterback. Unfortunately for him, it won't happen. Where are the Bengals when you need them?STL
So that's how it goes. I was 8-6 last week, and that's not good enough, so I'm hoping for 0-14 this week.
*Previous Close Game of the Week entrants have been:
Rams at Seahawks (week 3) Final score: 24-23 SEA.
Detroit at Denver (week 4) Final Score: 20-16 DEN
None (week 5)
You know, there's something October football, that harkens back to the days of yore - when we were young, and our hearts were open books. You used to say, "Damn, those Bengals were good," (you know you did).
But now they suck ass. At least their ass-sucking is put on hiatus for a week while they contemplate facing the Ravens in week 7. For now, though, the line on them is BYE (-7) at CIN. Watch for Brandon Bennett to make his presence known.
But fret not, for 28 other NFL teams are playing this week Some of them, believe it or not, are worse than the boys in stripes. And so here are the picks for those 14 other games:
Sunday, October 12:
-Carolina at Indianapolis: You know, there's something in the air in Carolina, that makes the boys strong and the girls really hot. Unfortunately, there's something in the water in Indianapolis, that taints it brown and makes them really, really good at football. Plus, the Colts have Ricky Williams version 2.0 IND
-Chicago at New Orleans: Everybody knew the Bears would suck. But the Saints? Come on, folks, it's not December yet! But, as I've said before, Aaron Brooks will get benched in favor of a real quarterback sometime soon. But the Saints still won't win. CHI
-Houston at Tennessee: This has the makings of an upset, and I think the time is nigh for the Titans to lose a game, and for the Houston defense to show up again. Just kidding. TEN
-Kansas City at Green Bay: You can't kick to Dante Hall. You can't kick away from Dante Hall. So the Packers have devised a brilliant strategy: Don't score, and commit a LOT of turnovers. KC
-Miami at Jacksonville: I picked Miami to lose to Buffalo and make Dave Wannstedt's seat that much hotter, back in week 3. Didn't happen. Won't happen now, either, especially since rather than the Bills, we're talking about a team who's kicker hurt himself CHOPPING WOOD IN THE LOCKER ROOM WITH A FREAKING AXE. MIA
-N.Y. Giants at New England: Something about Bill Belichick scares me something awful. I don't know what it is, but I know it's there. Back on topic, the patriots will lose. NYG
-Oakland at Cleveland: For Tim Couch's sake, I want the Browns to win. I mean, the guy's a competitor, and he's got a heart of gold. Really soft, easily hurt gold. But Bill Callahan can't be THAT bad a coach, and Charlie Garner has to get some carries sometime. Why not now?OAK
-Philadelphia at Dallas: All the controversy over Donovan McNabb and Rush Limbaugh seems to have (thankfully) subsided, so I thought I'd bring it up again just because I'm a dick. McNabb played pretty well, and had some good post-touchdown routines. The Cowboys haven't really seen anything like him this season, and I think the Eagles are going to beat the 'boys down a bit. This is my Close Game of the Week* PHI
-Tampa Bay at Washington: When LaVar Arrington is making threats against your most noticable player, you know you're going to win. TB
-Baltimore at Arizona: Somewhere in the desert southwest, a young man will stumble upon a game where 22 men run at each other for control of a leather spheroid. Just not in Tempe. BAL
-Buffalo at N.Y. Jets: The Bills, like the Browns, are a study in schizophrenia. One week they look like one of the top 5 teams in football, the next week they don't even look like they'll finish the season ranked above high school teams. This is my upset of the week, especially with Moulds out. NYJ
-Pittsburgh at Denver: Jake Plummer's looking sore, Tommy Maddox is looking weak, and some famous guy whose nickname is "Famous" is a starting running back. I don't have anything even remotely witty to say here. DEN
-San Francisco at Seattle: Dennis Erickson, the very bad 49ers head coach, is reunited with his old team, where he was a very bad coach. SEA
Monday, October 13
-Atlanta at St. Louis: I imagine that Doug Johnson wishes he were dead right now. I think a Monday Night Football game, in front of the whole country, would be a good chance for him to come out of his shell and market himself as a decent quarterback. Unfortunately for him, it won't happen. Where are the Bengals when you need them?STL
So that's how it goes. I was 8-6 last week, and that's not good enough, so I'm hoping for 0-14 this week.
*Previous Close Game of the Week entrants have been:
Rams at Seahawks (week 3) Final score: 24-23 SEA.
Detroit at Denver (week 4) Final Score: 20-16 DEN
None (week 5)
posted by Brian at 12:13 AM
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