I'm a Media Darling

Not long after Kirsten and I got back from our honeymoon (I promise I'll put a post up about it soon...I promise I promise I promise), I got an email from an intern at a local magazine. I won't use their name for the time being. Anyway, this email asked if I had any tips for grooms to know that would be publishable.

I had several that weren't, by the way.

Anywho, this is what I sent back, for those of my readers who might care to know:

We picked an all-inclusive site for the wedding, called the Larimore House Plantation in north county. They have an outdoor wedding space, an indoor chapel, and a reception hall all in one. The fact that there was no real hassle with finding sites for every eventuality made it much easier. There was also the matter of the horse and carriage; on your first visit to the site, they plop you down in front of a dvd featuring (quite prominently) this majestic entrance by a bride and her father seated in a well-appointed open carriage. As soon as Kirsten saw that, it was a done deal. They could have tacked on a "venus is in poseidon during your wedding" charge and we would have gladly whipped out the credit card.

As a bonus, the Larimore house had a recommended list of vendors they had worked with before, and they weren't all overpriced the way recommended subcontractors usually are. Saved all sorts of hassle in finding all of those important people who turn a place from an old rickety house into a backdrop for a wedding.

My wife is not a doer - she's a planner. So when it came time to make visits to florists, bakers, photographers, and DJs (we haven't got the dough for a live band), she told me who to call and I went ahead and arranged it. Frankly, it was a hassle, but worth it too. I was constantly in contact with these folks since event planning is part of what I do at work anyway, and it's habit. I made sure that since I was the one who had made the original call, I was the one who fixed any problems that came up. There were no surprises, and that's important.

I picked groomsmen, and especially a best man, who had my best interests at heart when it came to the bachelor party. Yes, there was drinking. I won't commit to where we drank or who we drank with, or what clothing they were wearing. But I will say that they all looked out for me, and for each other, making sure that none of us would be too hungover the next day to stand in the heat for half an hour.

My wife gave me "The Talk" before we were engaged. You know, the one that goes, "If we aren't engaged by such-and-such a date, we'll have to have The Other Talk?" That one. And yet she still seemed surprised when I proposed just days before her deadline. The lesson? Propose to your girlfriend when she's just coming back from work and has a thousand other things on her mind.

Families paid for nothing, so we made sure to cut costs where we could. Deluxe bar or regular? After two drinks, nobody notices the difference. Sunday or Friday? Well, sunday was cheaper, and it turned out to be better weather anyway. Our officiant or the one the site recommended? Ours, because as far as I know, he was free (he hasn't asked, anyway).

We did the pre-wedding counseling thing, which Kirsten isn't into. She thinks that psychiatrists and therapists are basically quacks. But we did learn a little bit about each other, and our officiant recommended someone who he'd worked with before and who had a sliding scale. So we got the whole getting-to-know-you-better bit, and we saved some money in the mix too.

Dancing lessons. Important. Get.

Only do one parents' dance instead of a separate mother-son dance and father-daughter dance. Among other things, it saves the hassle of having to find ANOTHER song to can dance to in front of all of those people staring at you and eating your cake. Jerks.

Make sure you get a slice of your own wedding cake. All I managed to eat was what my wife shoved into my gaping maw during the cake-cutting. I think I'll regret that for my whole life.

As for in-laws - well, they're across the country. It's much easier to deal with them there than here. I had to deal with the whole "he's-trying-to-corrupt-my-daughter" bit early in our relationship, so it's easier to deflect now. And my father-in-law is a pretty cool guy, easygoing and polite. Kirsten's brother is a bigger version of me: he's a nerdy guy who likes to make random pop-culture references. We get along great. So yeah: marry a girl who's brother is exactly like you, unless you're a self-destructive jerk. If you are...well, that's your concern.

Finally: getting married is hard. I was an only child, so this was never an option, but if you're the second person in your family to get married and your bride-to-be can get with you on this: ELOPE.

Also, one other thing: Kirsten and I went over the minutes limit on our cell phone in the month around the wedding. Like, 200 minutes over. Not only is getting married hard, apparently people want to talk to you about it.