Thursday, September 04, 2003

So I've been watching the NFL Monday Night Kickoff Special. On the surface, just reading the name, this seems like a good idea - hell, just about every other major athletic event (and the MLB season) starts with a great deal of fanfare and production. Well, maybe not the production part for baseball, but Bud Selig's too damned flustered to figure out his colostomy bag, let alone put together a light, sound, and sextravaganza.

It started well enough - Good Charlotte performed an overhyped hit, which is to be expected. I find "Just like you," or whatever the hell that song is called, catchy and otherwise perfect for a media production. Then came Britney, who of course drew my attention. She's hot, and I don't believe I have EVER seen a pair of shiny shorts as miniscule as hers. Close your eyes, think, and move on.

Now that you're done with that, the requisite Aerosmith songs, and Aretha Franklin singing the Star-Spangled Banner. Hey, great! We're ready for football, the show was pinned down to less than an hour, we had a bunch of old football stars from days gone by, and there weren't but a few minutes worth of commercials! Nice job, NFL!

So the Jets kicked off to the Redskins, and somebody shouted, "Let loose the hounds of marketing war!

In the first 6 minutes of game time, there were five commercial breaks that I counted. FIVE. Why were there five breaks? I don't know. I can't tell you. Maybe the NFL decided that they had to make back a portion of the reported 50 million dollars they spent on the pregame show, with marketing, union wages, and Aretha Franklin's donuts figured in. But did they have to have FIVE commercial breaks in the first 6 minutes of gameplay? How little did they charge the sponsors per commercial play? Or, more to the point, how MUCH did the sponsors have to pay to guarantee that their spots would be spun on national TV five times in the first six minutes?

I saw three Ford F-150 commercials. There were so many of them that no matter how sharp that truck looks, no matter how silent their new Silent Steel ™®© technology is, no matter how strong the welded sway bars are, no matter where the truck was manufactured (or how many different time zones, judging from the filmed sequences from New Mexico, West Virginia, Georgia, Utah, Colorado, New York, and about 7 other states that appeared in ONE spot), I do not want one. No, Bill Ford, you've been very kind, but you can keep your truck. It looks nice, yes. But I've seen it too much. It's like a song...you hear it, it's nice, it's catchy, great...but then you hear it again. And you hear it again. And you hear it again. And you - well, you get the idea.

Geez. The NFL and ABC had it right for the pregame show: legitimate substance, no Ford commercials, Britney Spears, and only a few interruptions in what was otherwise an entertaining, if vanilla, show (which was presented by Pepsi Vanilla). But the game...gah.

This rant will end after a message from our sponsors. Whenever that is.

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