Why do we Even Care Anymore?

Ricky Martin is gay.

Lance Bass is gay.

Clay Aiken is gay.

Look, folks. I get it - sometimes, a gay public figure remains closeted for a long time, because he (or admittedly, in the case of superhottie Portia de Rossi, she) hides it well, or doesn't fit the stereotypical mold of what a gay person "should" be.

I'm looking at you, Neil Patrick Harris.

But in the cases of the Martin, Bass, and Aiken, it's not like we couldn't have figured it out. Ricky Martin's leather pants really should have been the first clue, but there were others. Frosted tips. Show tunes. Sex with other men. Whatever, they were all there.

What's interesting to me is why Martin and Aiken, especially, came out of the closet - both have children (all sons), and both wanted to make sure that they didn't teach their kids it was OK to live a lie.

It's true that there are certainly those who preach morality and hatred of all things not Biblical, and others who preach hate in the mask of love, which is probably even more insidious and hurtful.But by and large, modern society is generally acceptive of gay men and women - heck, all of the other members of 'NSync are still friends with Bass, despite the fact that they're all interested in vaginas instead of penises - with the possible exception of Chris Kirkpatrick, but it's not my place to know for sure. So why do these gay men and women continue to live the wrong life?

I think, in the end, there is a legitimate fear for the average gay man or woman that he or she will somehow become diminished in the eyes of friends, family, and in the case of the famous, fans. Clay Aiken's mother, for example, still struggles with the idea that Clay is gay. Honestly, woman, have you met your son?

And I know it's an easy question for me to ask from my position in the Ivory Tower of Straight People, and of course it's simplistic moralizing no matter who asks it, but it needs to be asked anyway: are the sorts of people who think less of their gay friends because they come out really worth having as friends?

Some of them probably are - folks who will come around and realize that Dan is still Dan, regardless of who he loves. I know that must be a hard thing for people who come out to ponder - "who will I still have as a friend?" While I obviously can't understand that exact trepidation, I can understand on an academic level that it, and all of the associated worries that come with it, is honest and legitimate and probably really, really terrifying.

But in the end, the onus is on those of us who fit the historical mold of what is normal - why do we, as straight folks, even care about whether a singer or actor is gay? Neil Patrick Harris is the same great actor he was the day before he came out. Lance Bass doesn't sing any worse. Liberace, though he never came out publicly, was a...well, he was Liberace every day, I guess.

In the end? It seems a shame, to me, that we as straight people honor the gay man who comes out and is willing to live an honest life, but are so often unwilling to be honest and open enough beforehand that our gay friends torture themselves so.





As a qualifier, this post was, in fact, inspired by Ricky Martin. Probably the first and last time that'll ever happen to me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go shake my bon-bon, or something.