It's Officially Abuse Because I'm Complaining

I know that in a previous post I mentioned how I'm a big fan of ridiculous acoustic guitar covers.

Well, fuck it all, I lied.

Yesterday I heard two covers of Modern English's classic "Melt With You," which is about the perfect example of 1980s atonal pop music. I guess it's not quite as good as "One Night in Bangkok," but fewer people know the backstory of that song, which is what really makes the story.

Anyway, the first craptacular remake was overheard in a 9-West outlet in Osage Beach, and was sung by some slow-witted slow-singing woman who obviously thought the world of her pseudo-lesbianic acoustic suckfest that she calls "music." It sucked. It sucked like an Oreck. Seriously: that song was so bad it could pick up a bowling ball with its suckness.

The second one was in a Hershey's commercial. At least there it's thematically-linked to the product. And it wasn't twice as long because some halfwit girl tried to sound meaningful but instead sounded like she'd inhaled hexafluoride and the slow-motion button on a TiVo remote. It still bothered me, though, I think because I'd heard the other one just a couple hours earlier. Maybe it's just because I really, really wish that those old-time TV ad jingles would come back. I guess it'd be a little difficult to advertise Playboy, though.

I can hear it now: "What rhymes with 'vagoo?'"