Happy Fourth of July!

From the desk of Kim Jong-Il:
Greetings President Bush,
I hope that this day finds you poorly. Your fat and lazy American celebration is a rotten one, I hope. The proletariats do not celebrate when they are enlightened, for they know that true celebration comes in working for the common interest.

The fact that we have no gasoline and operate nearly entirely by manual labor has nothing to do with the lack of celebrations.

Today, I assume, your uneducated and hopeless masses are sunning themselves on some of your "beautiful" beaches.

The great people of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea are working today, as they do every year, rather than dirtying themselves with sand.

The fact that our beaches are fenced off so that they do not foolishly attempt to swim across the border into that treacherous dogland to our South, those fools who also call themselves Korea, has nothing to do with the lack of beachtime.

Today we launched three rockets, two of which splashed harmlessly into the sea, and one of which got your panties into a bunch. We have managed to embolden your political opponents by doing nothing but blow up our own rocket 35 seconds into its maiden voyage.

The fact that it was supposed to destroy your city of Seattle and instead sprinkled glorious Pyongyang with plutonium and mustard gas has nothing to do with it.

Your people are ignorant of historical inevitabilities, sexually promiscuous, fat, and lazy.

The fact that I would love to be all of those things has nothing to do with it.

Rot in hell,
Jong-il.

PS: Loved your mom's cheesecake. Can the missus borrow the recipe?