Trials of a Spoiled Fan

The last time the Cincinnati Bengals had double-digit wins was in 1988. I was 8, my girlfriend was 6, and the Simpsons were still on the Tracey Ullman show. The Bengals lost in the Super Bowl against the San Francisco 49ers. If you go to Cincinnati today, and stand in the middle of a crowded street and say, "Montana to Taylor in the end zone, TOUCHDOWN!" you will still find plenty of people willing to beat you into a senseless pulp.

The last time the Bengals had a winning season was in 1990, when they finished the year 9-7 and got beaten in the playoffs by the Raiders. Bo Jackson's career ended that day. The next week, the Raiders lost to the Bills in the AFC Championship game, and the Buffalo Bills went on to lose the first of four straight Super Bowls.

Today, the Bengals beat the Detroit Lions to go to 11-3 and claim their first division title since that 1988 season.

And you know what?

I thought after 15 long years of suckitude, I'd be thrilled just to be over .500.

Then the Bengals beat the Steelers two weeks ago, and I said, "You know, 9-7 is OK, but playoffs would be better..." Nevermind that it was the Bengals first season over .500 since 1990. There have been three presidents since then.

Then they beat the Lions today, and I'm already saying, "You know, playoffs are OK, but a playoff win would be better..."

I'm terrified that I'm going to become one of those bitch-ass fans who does nothing but gripe every time his team doesn't win the Super Bowl. And then what will I be?

A Steelers fan. *shudder*